Bleary-Eyed Local Confirms That Midweek Crafties’ll Bloody Getcha
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local “PHHHHWARRRR” Whakataki electrician Taine Gainford, 29, got the shock of his life this morning, waking up with a completely unexpected hangover. After the local sparkie innocently drank 4-5 craft beers in a trendy bar on Wednesday night, he was taken completely by surprise by the relentless head-throbber that greeted him the […]
Wellington Man Pretends To Enjoy The Taste Of Very High Percentage Craft Beer
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National Ryan Anderson put on the acting performance of his life on Sunday. The stage was set when the 31 year old freelance designer met friends for drinks at a painfully trendy bar in the Wellington suburb of Newtown. Anderson’s friend Jamie was ordering at the bar and asked him what he […]
Man In Office With Blue Powerade Signals Midweek Hangover
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local Simon Marshall didn’t need to say anything to his workmates this morning – his blue Powerade did all the talking. The 29 year old quantity surveyor from Levin may as well have put a sign up saying “Viciously hungover, do not disturb”. Whakataki Construction account manager Jake Brooks agreed to provide […]
Woman Sinks To New Low With $6 Bottle Of Wine Ahead Of $10 Corkage
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local Amelia Webster was momentarily paralysed today. The Whakataki Times can reveal that the incident occured when the 25 year-old kindergarten aide received the following message in her Facebook group chat of old high-school friends: “Hey lovelies! Just a heads up that corkage will be $10 tonight. This was the only place […]
Blue Powerade Consumed As Sports Drink, Dubbed a First For New Zealand
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local news “But he’s not even hungover!” On Sunday morning Whakataki local Ben Fenton, 28, purchased and consumed a 750mL “Mountain-blast” flavoured Powerade, not because he was viciously hungover from the night before, but because his body was craving electrolytes after a bout of strenuous exercise. Blue powerade has long been known […]
