Bloke Loosely Points To “The Silly Season” To Justify Fourth Night At The Pub This Week
WHEELS COMING OFF.
Christchurch man Jordan Evans, 31, has fully embraced the chaos of December by clocking up an impressive streak of pub visits.
Drunk Woman In Town Becomes Best Friends With Toilet Stranger
BATHROOM BONDS.
Millie Inglis, 27, found herself in an all too familiar last night: waiting in line at the women’s bathroom at Fat Eddie’s Bar in Christchurch, desperately trying to hold it together after a few too many at the bar.
One Beer After Work On Friday Once Again Results In Bloke Coming Home At 2 AM
LIKE CLOCKWORK.
Ryan Keats, a 29-year-old tradie from Christchurch once again found himself stumbling through the door in the early hours of Saturday morning after promising his girlfriend Sophie he’d “just have one.”
Local Bloke Putting Back His Sixth Beer Claims He’ll Get Up For Dawn Service
GOOD INTENTIONS!
Jake Symons, 26, has fooled absolutely nobody after making the outlandish claim that he’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn on a public holiday for the Anzac service.
Local Piss Head Who Says “I’ll Be Fine If I Stick To The Beers” Definitely Won’t Be Fine
JUST A QUIET ONE.
In a classic case of misguided confidence, a man from Hastings is adamant that he will have a perfectly controlled night out at the Cru Bar by sticking to just beer and avoiding spirits.
Experts predict that this plan will inevitably backfire, resulting in a night of chaos and a painful hangover the next day.
Meet Dave, a self-proclaimed “hearty drinker” who firmly believes that as long as he stays away from the “strong stuff,” he’ll be able to maintain composure throughout the evening.
Local Man Believes The 12 Beers Ravaging His Insides Will Vanish After A Sluggish 5k Run
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture RUNNING AWAY FROM THE HANGOVER Enthusiastic runner Isaac Holmes lied to himself and those around him this morning as he laced up his New Balances for his morning run. His claim was that despite having a life-altering hangover from a dozen plus beers the night before, he would be able to […]
Man Has Absolutely No Intention Of Checking Out Of Hotel Before 10 AM
The receptionist at Wellington’s Oriental Plaza may as well have kept the check-out time to herself when Mike Gillespie turned up on Friday afternoon.
Gillespie, 29, checked into the hotel ahead of his mate Steve’s stag do in the city. Gillespie had happily signed up for minimal sober hours during a two-day pub crawl along Wellington’s Courtenay Place and beyond.
Katie Billingsley, the 24 year old who was working on reception at the time, explained to the Whakataki Times that she may as well have just handed Gillespie his room key without a word. Then at least he could just march himself up to his room without having to lie to her face about 10 o’clock Sunday being an achievable checkout time.
Bleary-Eyed Local Confirms That Midweek Crafties’ll Bloody Getcha
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local “PHHHHWARRRR” Whakataki electrician Taine Gainford, 29, got the shock of his life this morning, waking up with a completely unexpected hangover. After the local sparkie innocently drank 4-5 craft beers in a trendy bar on Wednesday night, he was taken completely by surprise by the relentless head-throbber that greeted him the […]
Wellington Man Pretends To Enjoy The Taste Of Very High Percentage Craft Beer
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National Ryan Anderson put on the acting performance of his life on Sunday. The stage was set when the 31 year old freelance designer met friends for drinks at a painfully trendy bar in the Wellington suburb of Newtown. Anderson’s friend Jamie was ordering at the bar and asked him what he […]
Man In Office With Blue Powerade Signals Midweek Hangover
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local Simon Marshall didn’t need to say anything to his workmates this morning – his blue Powerade did all the talking. The 29 year old quantity surveyor from Levin may as well have put a sign up saying “Viciously hungover, do not disturb”. Whakataki Construction account manager Jake Brooks agreed to provide […]
