Seymour Keen For Womens Hurricanes To Train Harder So Offers Himself Up As Tackle Bag
BODY ON THE LINE.
David Seymour has put his money where his mouth is.
The ACT leader has been outspoken about the Hurricanes Poua’s team haka, saying the team should focus less on politics and more on training.
Warriors Fan Skilfully Updates Key Messaging From “Our Year” To “Early Days”
ONLY ONE GAME.
Diehard Warriors fan Mark Hickey hasn’t lost all faith in his beloved Warriors just yet.
Goodnight Kiwi Set To Make A Return To Boost TVNZ Viewing Numbers
WINNING FORMULA.
TVNZ executives have announced the triumphant return of the beloved Goodnight Kiwi, not as a nostalgic throwback, but as a strategic maneuver to salvage plummeting viewership numbers.
TVNZ Budget Back On Track With New Tobacco Sponsorship
BREATHING EASY.
TVNZ has managed to salvage its budgetary shipwreck by securing an unconventional but lucrative sponsorship deal with tobacco companies.
Women’s Hurricanes Come Up With New Haka About Wellington’s Water Crisis
RELATABLE.
The Hurricanes Poua women’s rugby team have changed tack today, announcing a brand new haka with a somewhat less divisive message than what they’d come up with previously.
SMOKEFREE DEBATE: Fired Up Chippy Gets Offered Cigarette To Calm Down
SOOTHING INFLUENCE.
A fiery Chris Hipkins let his passion get the better of him in parliament last week, as he railed against the evil “Coalition of Chaos” for overturning Labour’s magical smokefree laws.
One Eyed Cantab Convinced There’s Been A Glitch In The Matrix After Second Straight Crusaders Loss
CANNOT BE THE REAL WORLD.
Craig Chamberlain of Shirley, a suburb of Christchurch, is convinced that the things he is experiencing cannot really be part of reality.
TVNZ Annoyed That People Don’t Want To Advertise On Channels Nobody Watches
BEHIND THE TIMES.
In light of TVNZ’s loss of $16.7m in the last six months, members of the ad sales team have placed the blame squarely on advertisers.
Smug TVNZ Management Happily Makes Zero Dollars And Doesn’t Go Out Of Business
NO PROFITS, NO PROBLEM.
TVNZ management arrived at their Auckland based headquarters with smiles on their faces today.
TIME SAVER: Golriz Asked To Make A List Of Shops She Hasn’t Stolen From
NARROWING IT DOWN.
Local thief and former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman has allegedly been asked by police to cooperate in a time saving exercise, as an attempt to clear up this whole mess she’s gotten herself into.
