Man Impresses Nobody After Taking To Social Media With His Latest 5k Time
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW Joel Price is often seen in the mornings pounding the pavements of Christchurch. The 27 year-old regularly tracks his times using a running app, so naturally all he can think about is the moment when he can share them on Facebook and Instagram. Making sure his […]
Man Who Never Takes Showers Thriving Amid Cost Of Living Crisis
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National FINDING MONEY IN WEIRD PLACES Stuart “Stinky” Stevenson may have unwittingly discovered the best way to save money in today’s economic climate (and some say it’s even better than our government’s savings tips in their “Finding money in weird places” campaign). While the campaign suggests people shorten their showers to save […]
Kiwi Bloke Who Has Visited Sydney Once Gets Disproportionately Charged Up About NSW Origin Team
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BLEEDS BLUE Brad Fairbrother pulled on his New South Wales Origin jersey like he was a Sydneysider living on Bondi Beach this evening. But in reality, Brad is just a 29-year-old builder from Christchurch who for some reason displays an unwavering love for NSW every time the State of Origin series […]
Wellington Eco-Warrior Obsessed With Emissions Happily Blows Nicotine Vape Clouds Into Atmosphere
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture TOUCHY SUBJECT Amelia Hipkins, a self proclaimed eco-warrior, has always preached the importance of sustainable living to anyone she meets. However for the 26 year-old Massey University design student, there is one habit she can’t kick – and that’s vaping. With every puff Hipkins takes, she unknowingly releases nicotine, heavy metals […]
Diocesan School Girl Fascinated By The Concept Of A Household Budget
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture INTO THE UNKNOWN Hannah Spratt has often been top of her class in fifth form economics at Diocesan School for Girls. However the 16 year-old, who attends the private Auckland girls school at $26,335 a year, was caught off guard when her economics teacher introduced the concept of a ‘household budget’. […]
Ram Raider Pulls Over For Police Car Instead Of Thinking He Was Playing Grand Theft Auto
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National CHANGE OF HEART Auckland based ram raider Jayden Giles has miraculously avoided injury by coming to the curious realisation that reality is different from video games. After he and three accomplices smashed and grabbed $300 worth of vape products from a local corner store, Giles suddenly spotted a police car in […]
Woman Flips The Script On Relationship Status By Debuting New Boyfriend On Instagram
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture MAKING IT OFFICIAL Emma Harrison made a huge power play on Instagram today. The 26 year-old had been dating casually over the past few years, while still appearing single on her social media, but decided that now was the time to introduce her new boyfriend Jake to the virtual world. After […]
Wet Weather Aggravates Local Dad Who Hasn’t Been Able To Get The Lawns Done
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local DAD’S IN A BAD MOOD Lower Hutt father of three, Darren Donaldson was in a foul mood this morning, as today marks the third weekend in a row where he hasn’t been able to mow the lawns. As the rain came down, Donaldson looked out his window and snarled at the […]
Man On Train Makes Eye Contact, Smiles And Says Hello To Metlink Passenger Operator
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local UNHEARD OF! William Segal, a regular passenger on the Hutt Valley express train to Wellington, has allegedly been engaging in friendly, brief interactions with Metlink staff. Witnesses claim Segal regularly “makes eye contact, smiles and says hello to train staff” as they carry out their regular practice of scanning snapper cards. […]
Mai FM Host Outraged That Helping Criminals Cover Up Crime Is Also Considered Crime
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National FROM TOP OF THE CHARTS TO BOTTOM BUNK Former Mai FM morning host Nate Nauer has had a frustrating day at Auckland District Court today, as he was handed a prison sentence for money laundering. Nauer was sentenced to two years and nine months jail for the crime. However this sentence […]
