Local Bloke Refers Back To Shihad Song To Calculate Daylight Saving Changes
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture PUT YOUR CLOCK BACK, FOR THE WINTER James Geldin, a 33 year old welder from New Plymouth, rose this morning with a funny feeling that something was off about the time, and his corresponding energy levels. After around 5-10 seconds of blurry-eyed confusion, the man suddenly remembered that last night was […]
Local Bloke Still Adjusting To The Idea Of Taking The Blues Seriously
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport INTERESTING TIMES Dave Parkes, a longtime supporter of The Blues, has struggled to accept that the team he’s supported since a child, has now been consistently doing well over the past few seasons. After years of disappointment since their 2003 Super 12 title, the 32 year-old has been sceptical every time […]
ONE TEAM: Office Staff Bond Over Shared Hatred For The Company
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CULTURE FROM THE BOTTOM UP At the end of yet another shit house week at Wellington’s “A Plus Accounting”, a select group of staff were positively charged up for a drink or four after work. They reached Wellington’s Meow bar at the early time of 4.32, for their regular Friday attempt […]
STU’S LEAVING GIFT: Stuart Nash Gifted Limited Edition Copy Of The Cabinet Manual
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics “OOH I HAVEN’T READ THAT ONE” In a symbolic send-off as he leaves his ministerial portfolios for good, Labour MP Stuart Nash was given a hardcover edition of the cabinet manual, personally signed by the Prime Minister. Along with the present he received this afternoon, he got a large card full […]
Rugby Coach Detects Rain And Instantly Messages His Soft Players To Say Training’s Still On
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NO EXCUSES Rugby coach Craig Saunders knew that as soon as the skies turned grey and a drop of rain fell, that he’d be inundated with texts from a particular group of players in his rugby team. Saunders, who is coach for the Old Boys University Senior B team in Wellington, […]
Magical Motorbike Makes Greens Co-Leader Spout A Bunch Of Small-Minded Nonsense
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics IT’S A KIND OF MAGIC After being horrifically hit by a motorcyclist that failed to stop at a pedestrian crossing in the weekend, Greens co-leader Marama Davidson was understandably shaken. Something strange happened when that motorcycle collided with her however. The normally controlled member of parliament was apparently turned into a […]
WELLINGTONIANS AGREE: The Wind Is Less Hated Than The Bucket Fountain
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture WIND OVER WATER In a turn of events, Wellingtonians have unanimously agreed that the city’s notorious wind, long considered one of the biggest annoyances in the capital, is actually less hated than Cuba Street’s infamous Bucket Fountain. The Bucket Fountain is a public art installation in Cuba Mall, which features buckets […]
Gen Z Student Trapped On Hold To StudyLink Hears Brooke Fraser For The First Time
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture THROWING HER A LIFELINE Vic uni student Zara Ellison had her reality expanded today after finding herself in the unfortunate position of being on hold, waiting to talk to Studylink. The 18 year-old from Wellington was held captive to her phone for what felt like an eternity, until she was suddenly […]
WARRIORS WIN AGAIN: Local Bloke Looks At Booking Flights To NRL Grand Final
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport GETTING IN EARLY Nevermind that there’s still more than 20 rounds in the NRL season to go, die hard Warriors fan Mark Hickey is certain his beloved Warriors will be making the NRL grand final this year. His confidence comes after the Warriors came from behind in a gutsy 16-14 victory […]
Local Man Believes The 12 Beers Ravaging His Insides Will Vanish After A Sluggish 5k Run
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture RUNNING AWAY FROM THE HANGOVER Enthusiastic runner Isaac Holmes lied to himself and those around him this morning as he laced up his New Balances for his morning run. His claim was that despite having a life-altering hangover from a dozen plus beers the night before, he would be able to […]
