HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: Wall Socket In Dad’s Corner Of The Lounge Overrun With Kids’ Phone Chargers
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture INVASION As Phil Burley sat down in his usual spot in the lounge, he happened to gaze down at what was usually a totally clear empty wall socket beside his lazy boy chair. To his horror, what he discovered instead was a jungle of unrecognisable cords and phones. The father of […]
Local Dad Rolls Back The Years With Sensational BYC Hat Trick Against His Hapless Children
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport UNSTOPPABLE Mark Grover’s eyes lit up when he saw six year-old son Jackson walk up to the crease in today’s Boxing Day BYC match. The 41 year-old father of three was already showcasing some scary form after dismissing his two other children, 7 year-old Poppy and 9 year-old Ollie, in the […]
SHAME: Arrogant Nephew Loses Christmas Cracker Pull To Aunty
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture PRIDE COMES BEFORE THE FALL Bryce Eder thought he’d use his pure strength to comfortably beat his Aunty Susan in the annual Christmas cracker pull during today’s family lunch. The 22 year-old, who rates himself as much fitter and stronger than his 50 year-old Aunty Aunty, was humiliated after coming off […]
Man Impressing Nobody By Heading Off For A Morning Run On Christmas Day
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture SETTLE DOWN Joseph Pimms appeared to be more excited about going for a run than Christmas Day itself. That’s because the 35-year-old would rather do a strenuous bout of exercise than have a well-earned sleep-in on the day that he would soon be relaxing with relatives for Christmas lunch. Pimms was […]
Children On Best Behaviour Today With Mum’s Final Threat That “Santa Won’t Come Otherwise”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National LITTLE ANGELS Local Nelson siblings Connor Adams, 5, and Brianna Adams, 7, were like the angels on top of all the Christmas trees today. The two siblings, who would often be fighting with each other and making their mother’s life hell ahead of a busy Christmas period, were strangely well behaved […]
“ALL YOUR HARD WORK”: Employee Tears Up After Reading Heartfelt Christmas Card From CEO
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “WE VALUE YOUR CONTRIBUTION” There must have been some dust in the air this afternoon because customer support officer Kylie Carlson could definitely feel her eyes welling up. Either that, or she had become emotional after reading her deeply heartfelt and personalised Christmas message she got from her CEO, John Brentford. […]
WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS: Office Employee Digs Real Deep To Give A Fuck About His Work
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture MENTAL TOUGHNESS With less than three working days to go in the year, Ollie Davis has used every ounce of enthusiasm in his body to actually look like he’s doing something meaningful in the office. Davis, who works as an insurance broker in Wellington’s CBD, appeared animated at his desk, but […]
Woman Fabricates Dramatic Life Events to Deflect Family Questions On Motherhood
KASSIE MACKAY| Culture ‘TIS THE SEASON FOR INTERROGATION A Wellington woman is weighing up her options this festive season, considering which fake personal crisis might sufficiently stunt her parents’ questions about her lack of offspring. Thirty-four year-old yo-pro, Freya Widdicombe spends 11 months and 20 days of the year feeling perfectly content about her life. […]
TIME SAVER: Teen TikTok Dancer Deletes App And Just Emails Videos Straight To Chinese President
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture CUTTING OUT THE MIDDLE MAN Self-proclaimed teen TikTok sensation Ariana Wesley is taking a new approach to increasing her reach on the social media platform. Annoyed with how long it has taken her to amass her first 15,000 followers, Wesley has decided to bypass the usual algorithm designed to benefit the […]
Staunch Atheist Welcomes Jesus Christ Into Her Life Via Gin Advent Calendar
KASSIE MACKAY| Culture CHEERS TO THE HOLY CHILD A woman who once dubbed herself an “opponent of organised religion” has had an epiphany on day 18 of her gin advent calendar. But it’s not just the drink, she says, that’s caused her to see the light. Local wino Erin Cross, 29, told the Whakataki Times […]
