NORMAL PEOPLE WANTED.
The NZ Greens are doing a succession planning exercise this week, where they are attempting to get reasonable people to become members of their party.
LOOKING ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.
With the recent parliament outburst of Greens MP Julie Anne Genter, and subsequent accounts of her bullying a florist about car parks, it’s fair to say it’s been a shit of a week for Greens co-leaders Chloe and Marama.
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
With the tidal wave of changes to the public service in Wellington recently, the Coalition government is setting up a new ministry to keep up with demand.
THAT GUY.
Prime Minister Christopher Luxon today shocked the nation by unveiling his ambitious plan to bring back the iconic SportsCafe, which he starred in, by the year 2030.
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SOOTHING INFLUENCE.
A fiery Chris Hipkins let his passion get the better of him in parliament last week, as he railed against the evil “Coalition of Chaos” for overturning Labour’s magical smokefree laws.
The Whakataki Times – potentially somewhat biased politically.
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN.
Beloved former Green MP Golriz Gahrahman may not be done with politics just yet.
With the white cis man James Shaw stepping down from his party co-leader position, Golriz now has the chance to swoop in and steal the top job.
Insiders at the NZ Green Party have said Ms. Gahrahman is “always unpredictable” and “known to take things that don’t belong to her”.
THIS IS WAR.
Wellington-based 31 year old Ruby Galbraith has a new calling in life, now that the country has swung back in the other direction politically.
Refusing to believe that the swing has actually happened, Galbraith now has the mammoth task of convincing anyone who’ll listen that the new coalition government is going to destroy New Zealand.
“Haha, are you serious? Those three are a ticking time bomb. R.I.P Aotearoa,” she laughed enthusiastically, referring to Christopher Luxon, Winston Peters and David Seymour.
ON THE SAME PAGE
David Seymour and Winston Peters are set to get along better than most New Zealanders expected.
Both famously known for being difficult, Seymour and Peters will now take turns in the role of Deputy Prime Ministers, in a tag-team arrangement that has raised more than a few eyebrows.
It turns out that it wasn’t just the negotiations holding things up, it was also the time it took for the two new government MPs to complete a two day course in sharing and playing nicely.
LESSGOOO!
Wellington based HR advisor Tory Hopkins is weirdly excited about the new National / Act / NZ First government taking an axe to the public service once they get started.
The 25 year old MBIE employee has been energised ever since David Seymour mentioned slashing MBIE’s staffing numbers in half.
“It could be me!” she said excitedly, as she scrolled the Jetstar site for cheap flights to Aussie. “Fingers crossed! Been thinking about whether this job’s for me for a while now. Be good to get a little extra push out the door.”
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