Razor Stuffs Himself Into Sam Whitelock’s Suitcase Just In Case
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport ANYTIME NOW! Crusaders supercoach Scott “Razor” Robertson has once again made himself very available to take over the All Blacks top job. That’s after he decided to stuff himself inside Sam Whitelock’s suitcase and make the 17 hour journey to Mbombela, South Africa, ahead of the All Blacks two test matches against […]
Retiree Points At Flood Footage On TV And Says “That’s Climate Change For Ya”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National HA SEE? IT’S HAPPENING. Manawatu retiree Janet Davidson, 65, has just pointed to irrefutable evidence that climate change is happening and we’re all doomed unless we do something. As Davidson sat down to her dinner of steak, broccoli, carrot and potato, with her husband Dennis, a Newshub news story caught her […]
TK Misunderstands Government Healthcare Job Push – Turns Up To Hutt Hospital For A Shift
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National WHERE DO YOU NEED ME? After the government weirdly announced that the TV programme Shortland Street will be part of a push to get more people working in healthcare, doctor TK Samuels has inadvertently ended up standing at Hutt Hospital reception in a confused state. “I was in Wellington and it […]
Otago Uni Student Gears Up For Fourth Night On Sheetless Mattress After Failed Weekend Washing Attempt
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THEY’LL DRY SOON! Cam McIntyre, 20, had the best of intentions over the weekend. The second-year sport and exercise science student at the University of Otago, decided he would wash his bed sheets on Saturday morning, something to make him feel a bit better about life after deleting the best part […]
Smug Wellingtonian Smirks At Out-Of-Towner Attempting To Use Umbrella
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! Emily Tait’s eyes began to roll back into her head in the Wellington rain today. That’s because as the 24 year-old graphic design student at Massey University was making her way to her 2pm class, she saw a man struggling to put up an umbrella in sideways […]
Palmy Bloke’s First Payment Of $116.67 Enjoys Short Stay In His Bank Account Before Moving On To The TAB
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National A SOUND INVESTMENT Troy Holbrook, 24, has made what he believes to be the only logical decision over what to do with Labour’s “cost of living payment” today. The Palmerston North based plumber, who is single with no dependents, has decided that because he has already budgeted for all the basics, […]
Romantic Boyfriend Offers Up Fairy-Tale Date Day Trip To Te Papa
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ROMANTICIST! Tim Conway, 23, knows he and his girlfriend of two years Dani Youngson, also 23, should go out on dates more often. The Wellingtonians flat together in Mount Cook and are working on their relationship at the moment, as things have become a bit testy at times since they moved […]
Newcomer To Christchurch Friend Group Baffled By Intense Interest In What School He Went To
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture IT MATTERS! Campbell Stanway, 24, thought his days of discussing anything high school related were over and in the past. But after recently moving from Wellington to Christchurch, he received an education at a housewarming party on the importance of understanding that in Christchurch, it definitely matters what school you attended […]
Michael Baker Blissfully Unaware That Nobody’s Wearing Masks In Bars, Mainly Because He’s Never Been To One
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National ANOTHER QUIET NIGHT IN Wellington-based lockdown enthusiast Dr Michael Baker is enjoying another quiet night in, safe in the knowledge that he’s done everything he can to spread the good word about mask use. However it appears that he has not been informed that bars across the country are completely back […]
PAUL’S LAST DAY AT TVNZ: Yurisich Introduced To HR For The First Time
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National “HI I’M PAUL, NICE TO MEET YOU!” Former Head of News and Current Affairs Paul Yurisich has met with HR at Television New Zealand for the very first time today. The surprising encounter comes following his resignation at the state broadcaster, due to the fallout involving his recruitment of former Breakfast […]
