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Man Comes To One Training And One Game And Is Never Seen Again

coach texting someone while at training

AWOL

Wellington club rugby coach Craig Briggs was getting a sense of deja vu this season.

Previously Very Confident Hurricanes Fan Mysteriously Absent From Group Chat

Hurricanes fan crying

VANISHING ACT.

Daryl Macaskill, a die-hard Hurricanes fan from Porirua, has been mysteriously absent from his mates Facebook group chat since the weekend.

Fed Up Office Worker Once Again Googles “How To Make Money Online”

man in office at computer

PASSIVE INCOME.

Hunter Donaldson, 25, found himself in an all too familiar situation at work today, as he once again realised the harsh reality of his admin job at the Ministry of Education.

Delusional One Eyed Cantab Claims To Have Tickets To “Tonight’s Crusaders Semifinal”

One eyed cantabrian with yellow homemade ticket

SEE YOU THERE!

With the Super Rugby Pacific semifinals underway this weekend, one thing is for certain, the Crusaders are in no way involved.

Former Colleagues Run Into Each Other In Town, Agree To Have Coffee Sometime, And Then Never Do

men talking in street thinking about coffee

NEED A CATCH UP.

Career-focused Wellingtonians Mitch Connor and Logan Larsen were not expecting to run into each other today, despite Lambton Quay being commonly filled with lunch time foot traffic.

Old Friends Inevitably End Up Spending All Night Naming Old Warriors Players

men drinking with warriors players behind them

ALI LAUITI’ITI!

A simple catch up between 33-year-old mates, Mark Hickey and Ryan Duff, turned into an all-night saga which was fueled by the nostalgia of Warriors players from yesteryear.

Clubroom Beer Prices Continue To Defeat Inflation In New Zealand

man having beer in clubrooms, with economic forecast behind him.

ECONOMIC OUTLOOK IS GOOD.

With all the economic doom and gloom in New Zealand and the world right now, there is one part of society that is bucking the trend – New Zealand sports clubs.

Tomorrow’s Third Division Rugby Game Last Thing On Player’s Mind Tonight

man having beer thinking about tomorrow's rugby game

WILL SWEAT IT OUT TOMORROW.

Mike Jenkins, a 28 year-old third division rugby player from Christchurch, had no qualms knocking back his third beer of the afternoon.

Unlucky Public Servant Has Voluntary Redundancy Application Turned Down

man with lanyard looking dejected at laptop

UNLUGGY.

Warren Cartwright, an actively disengaged employee at the Ministry for the Environment, suffered a major setback today.

Christchurch Matches On Tinder Now Autofill Chat With “What School Did You Go To?”

woman looking at man's profile pic on tinder

REPUTATION ROMANCE.

Millie Golding, a 24-year-old former student of Rangiruru Girls High School, was thrilled to discover that Tinder had finally caught on to what really mattered in Christchurch – which school you went to.

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DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.