Wife Sick Of Husband Sidestepping Around The House Kicks Him Out To Go Play For The Kiwis

JUST GET OUT!
Kayla Johnson, a former Silver Fern based in Auckland, has taken the drastic step of kicking her husband out of the house, due to his disruptive behaviour in the lounge and hallway.
Navy Agrees That Investing In Affordable GPS May Have Saved Them A Hundred Million Dollars

AVOIDING REEFS AND BUDGET GRIEF.
The Royal New Zealand Navy is reevaluating its priorities after the hydrographic survey ship HMNZS Manawanui went from proudly sailing the Pacific to becoming a new underwater feature off the coast of Samoa.
Tui Devastated That Local Woman Who’s Never Drunk Beer Doesn’t Like Their Ad

WHAT WILL WE DO?!
DB Breweries Marketing Director Fraser Shrimpton woke up in a cold sweat this morning at around 3.30 AM.
Invercargill Pie Shop Under Fire For Fat-Shaming Themselves

CANCELLED.
“Fat Bastard Pies”, the unconventionally named bakery based in Invercargill is facing allegations of “fat-shaming” from a group of Wellington tourists.
TVNZ Swapping Gregg’s Original Blend For Pams Cafe Roast

COST CUTTING.
After a tense 1 o’clock all staff meeting today, employees at TVNZ were somewhat relieved to survive another day at the struggling station.
One Beer After Work On Friday Once Again Results In Bloke Coming Home At 2 AM

LIKE CLOCKWORK.
Ryan Keats, a 29-year-old tradie from Christchurch once again found himself stumbling through the door in the early hours of Saturday morning after promising his girlfriend Sophie he’d “just have one.”
Cranberries Song “Zombie” Experiences Sudden Spike In Spotify Plays

GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport IN YOUR HEAD Former members of the Irish rock band, The Cranberries, were surprised to see an uptick in streams they were getting in New Zealand this week. Their song “Zombie” is connected to the spat between All Blacks centre/troll Rieko Ioane, and former Irish captain and current crybaby, Jonny Sexton. […]
Local Man Told You Barrett Should’ve Be Playing At 10 This Whole Time

“WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING?”
45-year-old Dave Garrett from Taranaki has confidently informed his mates, yet again, that Beauden Barrett should have been the All Blacks’ first-five all along.
Man Forgoes Midnight Glass Of Water And Instead Slurps Like A Dog From Bathroom Tap

KIWI EFFICIENCY.
When Mike Higgins woke up with a dry mouth at 2.45 this morning, the idea of going downstairs to the kitchen for a glass of water didn’t hold much appeal.
Local Woman With New Air Fryer Talks About Air Fryer

WE MADE CHIPS!
32 year old homeowner Tali Lambourne made it abundantly clear today that she is very pleased with her new air fryer.