James Shaw Finally Free To Buy That Ute He’s Always Wanted
OUTDOORS WITH JAMES.
Outgoing Greens co-leader James Shaw has always harboured a dirty little fossil-fuelled secret ever since he went into environmental politics.
The long-serving MP recently announced he is stepping down from his position as co-leader of the Greens, making room for someone who’s probably not as “pale, stale or male” as he is.
Despite it going against the spirit of his party’s policies, Shaw has revealed that he’s often dreamed about owning the popular kiwi ute, a Toyota Hilux.
Smug Millennial Interrupts Test Cricket Viewers With Textbook “Who’s Winning?” Enquiry
“URRRGHHH”
Wellington-based HR advisor Ruby Galbraith has done it again today, after noticing colleagues Sam Ellison and Josh Orr enjoying free-to-air test cricket in the office break room.
Knowing exactly what she was doing, the 31 year old callously asked them the most annoying question possible during a five day test match.
“Oh hey guys, ooh cricket huh? Who’s winning?”
OUT OF THE BLUE: Most Popular And Recognisable Green MP Puts Hand Up For Leadership
STOP THE PRESSES.
In a shock move that no one saw coming, Chloe Swarbrick, the most popular MP in the NZ Green Party, has put her hand up to replace James Shaw as co-leader.
Swarbrick announced her bid yesterday, following media discussion about whether she should be co-leader, or if it should be someone else from the Greens that no-one’s heard of.
Political analysts around the country have been scratching their heads in amazement that a person who is very popular with her party’s members and supporters has said she’ll be the new co-leader.
Parent Makes Teenager Go To School Even Though He Didn’t Feel Like It Today
SHOCKING!
An Upper Hutt parent has shocked the school community at Hutt High School today, after making sure his 15 year old son went to school, even though he didn’t want to.
Mark Ramsay, 45, drove his son Jacob to the school gates this morning and watched him walk through the main building. This was despite a lengthy argument previously, where Jacob moaned and grunted about not wanting to go, citing both mental health and the long term social impact of the covid lockdowns two years ago.
GREENS LEADERSHIP RACE: Golriz Tipped To Steal Top Spot
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN.
Beloved former Green MP Golriz Gahrahman may not be done with politics just yet.
With the white cis man James Shaw stepping down from his party co-leader position, Golriz now has the chance to swoop in and steal the top job.
Insiders at the NZ Green Party have said Ms. Gahrahman is “always unpredictable” and “known to take things that don’t belong to her”.
REPORT: Vibe Of Stag Do Quite Different To Hens Night
NO LET UP.
Warren Slough and Taryn Bowman embarked on a tale of two parties over the weekend and also woke up with two very different types of hangovers.
Taryn and her squad of bridesmaids and close friends were sipping cocktails and coming across very well behaved at a downtown Auckland bar. The photos, which she was more than coherent enough to post on Instagram, showed a night of sophistication and subtle revelry, all in good taste ahead of her marrying her longtime partner.
Meanwhile, Warren’s closest mates had organised a day where subtlety was not on the menu.
Local Man Subtly Alludes To Air Travel By Posting Pic Of Beer And Boarding Pass
HIGH FLYER.
Christchurch local Stephen Lowe has given his Instagram followers a little clue about what he’s up to this weekend.
The direct sales consultant has coolly posted a picture of his Air New Zealand boarding pass, as he waits for his flight to Auckland for a mate’s stag do.
“Just jet-setting up to Auckland for another staggy, second one in six months haha, no biggie,” said the man, pleased as punch with himself.
REPORT: Summer Is Hot
MORE HOT DAYS AHEAD.
You may or may not have noticed it, but the last month and a bit has been quite hot.
Although hot weather is obviously a cause for caution and/or panic, some meteorologists believe that the soaring temperatures are a result of it being summer.
While this may seem hard to believe, there is some science to back up the claim.
Woman Shocks Colleagues By Revealing She Was Born In 2000
FRIGHTENING.
Ella McPhail, a seemingly mature and accomplished professional, dropped a bombshell on her unsuspecting colleagues today.
The 23 year-old who will turn 24 later this year, was in a mundane Wednesday morning conversation when one of her co-workers mentioned something about the company’s profits in the year 2000.
“Ha, same year I was born,” Ella said, a comment which would send shockwaves through her co-workers.
Local Dad Miraculously Makes It Through Entire Day Without Mentioning The Humidity
PERSONAL BEST.
Upper Hutt father of three Alan Gardner, 53, has outdone himself in the field of self control today.
For nearly a week the bank manager could be heard talking loudly to family, friends and neighbours about anything and everything, with all conversations leading back to how hot and humid it is at the moment.
“It has been bloody hot lately to be fair, and the reason it feels worse than you’d think is actually because of the humidity in the air,” he told our reporters, his key messages polished to perfection.
