BACK-TO- BACK LOSSES: Warriors Fan Stocking Up On Ice Cream To Go With Potential End Of Season Tears
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport PANIC STATIONS Die-hard Warriors fan Mark Hickey’s faith is beginning to waver. That’s after his beloved Warriors went down 14-0 to the Sydney Roosters in Auckland this afternoon, just five days after they lost to the Melbourne Storm on Tuesday. Today’s loss has hit Hickey hard, especially after the Warriors had […]
One Headache Clearly Not Enough As Bloke Attempts Weekly Grocery Shop While Very Hungover
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture MATCH MADE IN HELL Duncan Rodden woke up with a bone cracking hangover this Sunday morning, which came on after consuming approximately one dozen beers and a handful of pints in town. Stumbling towards the kitchen after waking up past midday, the Christchurch native soon realised his pantry and fridge were […]
Man Locks In Poor Saturday Athletic Performance By Having Spontaneously Big Friday
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport “OH NAH IT’LL BE FINE” Social footballer Ben Pullman has guaranteed himself a dreadful performance on Saturday, after a last minute decision to catch up with a mate after his normal work drinks. Pullman regularly enjoys two or three refreshments with his office workmates on a Friday, and has had no […]
PAY YOUR FAIR SHARE: Government Proposes Tax On All Income Received During Games Of Monopoly
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics PAY TO PLAY Revenue Minister David Parker is sick and tired of dads around the country dominating games of Monopoly and not paying their fair share of tax. Parker has proposed that all income generated during games of Monopoly, whether it’s in New Zealand dollars or imaginary money, will incur a […]
Newlywed Woman Begins Facebook Photo Spam Journey
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture RELENTLESS It is fair to say that Kelly McIntosh’s Facebook page is now more crowded than her own wedding reception was. The 27 year-old has just posted what seemed like the 1000th photo of her “magical day” with her “one and only”, seen mainly by friends who weren’t actually invited. After […]
Friend Of Social Rugby Player Simply Delighted By Clubroom Beer Prices
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport HOW GOOD?? Jamie Nelson got a very pleasant surprise late on Saturday afternoon after coming along to watch his friend Regan’s rugby match for the first time. While Nelson was unimpressed with the skill level of both teams, and dismayed by the 9-6 final score, the low price of beer at […]
Woman Completes Early Saturday Morning Gym Class Despite Unplanned Hangover
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES Highly motivated fitness enthusiast Jodi Graham was faced with a choice when she woke up this morning. The choice was about whether she got up and went to her scheduled pump class at Les Mills, or succumbed to the hangover that was unjustly afflicting her body […]
Flatmates Grumble About The Cost Of Living While Enjoying Third Takeaway This Week
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture IT ALL ADDS UP Isaac Barnham and flatmate Sarah Tilley were enjoying a quiet night in, when the topic of food and fuel prices popped into their conversation. “God, I spent $130 on petrol today. The tank wasn’t even that empty!” said Mr Barnham in disgust. “Just another cost ay, how […]
Kiwi Complaining About Stop-Start NBA Forgets About Rugby’s Endless Scrum Resets
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport GET ON WITH IT Lachie Clarke was growing impatient with today’s NBA basketball game between the LA Lakers and the Memphis Grizzlies. “Why do they keep stopping the game? It’s ruining the flow!” Clarke bellowed at the TV as the Lakers coach opted to use up one of his many timeouts. […]
Great News! Inflation Is Down, Which Means The Cost Of Everything Only Went Up By 1.2% This Time!
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local GET OUT THE CHAMPAGNE! New Zealand’s citizens rejoiced today as we are informed that annual inflation has PLUMMETED to 6.7%. There have been widespread reports of people “dancing in the street” as they found out that the cost of living, which obviously increased significantly in the last three months, had not […]
