Eco Warrior Up All Night Worrying That The Container He Put In The Recycling Bin Was The Wrong Kind Of Plastic
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture THE PLANET IS COUNTING ON ME Self-styled eco warrior Arlo Davies does what he can to be a compassionate and moral member of society. The 21 year old is an unblinking defender of the vulnerable, the under-represented, and of course, the planet. “It’s my calling to do everything I can to […]
Foster Tells NZ Rugby To Shove It Up Their Arse
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport AU REVOIR! All Blacks coach Ian Foster has given the cold shoulder back to New Zealand Rugby today. Foster, who was well entitled to reapply for the job he currently has, effectivley told NZR and Chief Executive Mark Robinson to shove it up their arse by deciding not to pointlessly engage […]
CNN Now Saying Virus Probably Came From That Big Building Full Of Viruses
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | World OH REAL? Very mainstream news provider CNN reported yesterday that the virus that went around the world over the last couple of years likely did come from the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a very large building that contains many viruses. The news came as a shock to most of the general […]
Oxford Dictionary Gives Up Trying To Define New Zealand Phrase “Yeah Nah”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National YEAH NAH The editors of the Oxford English Dictionary have finally thrown in the towel in their long battle to define the uniquely New Zealand phrase “yeah nah.” Over the years it has made several attempts to define the phrase, but due to ‘yeah nah’ having an array of meanings and […]
This Woman Took Her Flat’s Recycling Bin Out For The First Time… You Won’t Believe What Happened Next
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture DISAPPEARING ACT A Whakataki flatmate, Rhiannon Smith, is in shock this afternoon. Less than 12 hours after placing her recycling bin at the end of her driveway, the wheel-mounted plastic vessel is now totally void of discarded plastic vessels. Smith, aged 23, shares a flat with three male friends on the […]
Man Leans In To Sunday Hangover By Extending It To Monday
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture JUST EMBRACE IT Sam Westman, a recruitment advisor at a top agency in Hamilton, has taken a novel approach to his semi-frequent Sunday hangover. The 24 year old is by no means drinking as much as he was in his uni days, however he does still find himself dangerously hungover on […]
Woman’s Missing Sock That’s Actually Just Stuck At Bottom Of Washing Machine Completes Fourth Spin Cycle
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture A NEW HOME FOR THE POLKA DOT SOCK Amelia Robinson had wondered where her pink polka dot sock had got to for the last two weeks. After thinking it was freshly laundered in her drawers, she had no idea that the sock had been instead accidentally left in the washing machine, […]
One Eyed Cantab Checks Into Mental Hospital As He Can’t Believe The Crusaders Losing Is Part Of Reality
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport “NONE OF THIS IS REAL” It was a difficult night for the one-eyed Cantabrian Craig Chamberlain, as his beloved Crusaders fell to a 31-10 loss to the Chiefs in their opening Super Rugby match. While Craig’s default reaction to anything is anger, this time was different, as he instead concluded that […]
One Eyed Cantab Confused At TAB Offering Odds On Teams Other Than The Crusaders Winning Super Rugby
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BOOKIE BLUNDER Craig Chamberlain was working himself up into a fit of rage in Canterbury today. It wasn’t that he was indignant about a selection or non-selection of a Canterbury player or coach for higher honours, but something slightly different. The 56-year-old from Shirley was sitting there shocked and confused to […]
Christchurch Woman Rated As Socially Acceptable After Correctly Answering The “What School Did You Go To?” Question
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture IT MATTERS Monique Gilchrist felt like she was being watched like a hawk over the weekend, as she went for some casual drinks in Papanui, an affluent suburb in Christchurch. The 26 year-old, who was a newcomer to the friend group, felt like the dreaded question “What school did you go […]
