Intelligent Woman Confidently Justifies Watching MAFS By Saying “It’s Just Nice To Switch My Brain Off”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “I KNOW, IT’S TERRIBLE!” 32 year old Wellington woman Amy Galvin, a GP based in Miramar, consistently works hard and puts in the extra effort for her patients. She’s a loving wife and believes herself to be a good person. And at the end of the day, sometimes all she wants […]
Visitor To Auckland Fails To Find ‘K Road’ On Google Maps
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “NO I DID NOT MEAN KARANGAHAPE” Liam Collins believed he had a simple task at hand – find a specified apartment building on a street called ‘K Road’ and meet his friends there. Except the 27 year-old, who made the trip up from Wellington for a work course, had now spent […]
Netflix Cracks Down On Users But Forgets That People Can Actually Just Use The Internet To Download Shit
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture COULD JUST GET IT ON THE D.L? Major streaming provider Netflix has been doing a lot lately to annoy its customers, leading many to believe they have forgotten an important point about the internet. As the company discovered that there were many, many people sharing their account logins with friends and […]
Man Remarkably Holds Bat In Rebel Sport Without Practicing His Forward Defence
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport GOD LEVEL SELF CONTROL Hamilton man Deepak Singh fought every instinct in his body yesterday, as he successfully held a cricket bat in his hands at Rebel Sport Te Rapa without shaping his body into the classical forward-defence batting movement. Friend Stephen Hyde witnessed the event in person. “I’ve played cricket […]
Young Couple Who Quietly Bought Their First Home Without Going On About It Now Being Hounded By Stuff Journalists
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local LEAVE US ALONE A young couple in their twenties, who’s identities we will keep hidden, have been relentlessly harassed by Stuff Media ever since they bought their first home two weeks ago. The media outlet now desperately wants to publish their story, no doubt wanting to highlight the couple’s hard work […]
Opening Win For Warriors Triggers Avalanche Of “Our Year” Social Media Posts
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport DON’T SAY IT Almost as predictably as the sun rising each morning, the Warriors 20-12 win over the Newcastle Knights in Wellington has caused a tsunami of optimism for 2023. Warriors fans were out in force all over social media last night, all believing that their opening round win now means […]
Eco Warrior Up All Night Worrying That The Container He Put In The Recycling Bin Was The Wrong Kind Of Plastic
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture THE PLANET IS COUNTING ON ME Self-styled eco warrior Arlo Davies does what he can to be a compassionate and moral member of society. The 21 year old is an unblinking defender of the vulnerable, the under-represented, and of course, the planet. “It’s my calling to do everything I can to […]
Foster Tells NZ Rugby To Shove It Up Their Arse
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport AU REVOIR! All Blacks coach Ian Foster has given the cold shoulder back to New Zealand Rugby today. Foster, who was well entitled to reapply for the job he currently has, effectivley told NZR and Chief Executive Mark Robinson to shove it up their arse by deciding not to pointlessly engage […]
CNN Now Saying Virus Probably Came From That Big Building Full Of Viruses
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | World OH REAL? Very mainstream news provider CNN reported yesterday that the virus that went around the world over the last couple of years likely did come from the Wuhan Institute of Virology, a very large building that contains many viruses. The news came as a shock to most of the general […]
Oxford Dictionary Gives Up Trying To Define New Zealand Phrase “Yeah Nah”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National YEAH NAH The editors of the Oxford English Dictionary have finally thrown in the towel in their long battle to define the uniquely New Zealand phrase “yeah nah.” Over the years it has made several attempts to define the phrase, but due to ‘yeah nah’ having an array of meanings and […]
