Staunch Atheist Welcomes Jesus Christ Into Her Life Via Gin Advent Calendar
KASSIE MACKAY| Culture CHEERS TO THE HOLY CHILD A woman who once dubbed herself an “opponent of organised religion” has had an epiphany on day 18 of her gin advent calendar. But it’s not just the drink, she says, that’s caused her to see the light. Local wino Erin Cross, 29, told the Whakataki Times […]
Third Grade Cricketer Blows $600 On A New Bat In The Hope That It’ll Turn His Form Around
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BLAMING HIS TOOLS Jake Macaskill is certain he’ll be troubling the scorers next time he strides out to the crease. The Eastern Suburbs third div battler has just dropped $600 on a Kookaburra Beast cricket bat in the hope that it’ll get him out of a form slump – a slump […]
David Seymour Updates Pronouns To Arrogant / Prick
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics EMBRACING HIS TRUTH Act leader David Seymour has decided to embrace the new label he’s been given by Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, and has added “arrogant/prick” as his pronouns in his email signature. Ardern could be heard saying that Seymour is “such an arrogant prick” on her parliament microphone yesterday afternoon. […]
Ardern Relieved Microphone Didn’t Pick Her Up Calling Luxon A “Bald-Headed Dickhead”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics COULDA BEEN WORSE Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern breathed a sigh of relief today, as the worst of her side comments to Grant Robertson were not actually picked up by Parliament TV’s microphones. In the house this afternoon she was heard saying that Act leader David Seymour was “such an arrogant prick”, […]
How To Talk About Climate Change With “That” Annoying Little Activist At Christmas
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture URRGH.. Holidays mean time with family – including some who you may not see eye-to-eye with. The topic of climate change can be divisive, especially when you’re getting lectured by your 18-year-old nephew or niece who thinks the world’s coming to an end in ten years. Here are a few tips […]
Wellington Man Laughed Out Of His Friend Group For Not Liking Coffee Or Craft Beer
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “JUST NOT MY THING” Mitch Bishop is feeling a bit left out at the moment. The 25 year-old recently found himself in the middle of an awkward conversation between a mate of his and a handful of acquaintances at a cafe in Aro Valley. One of the group piped up and […]
Local Bloke Proudly Displays Div 4 Indoor Sport Medal Like He’s Some Sort Of Elite Athlete
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport MOVE OVER MESSI Jono Watson had always wanted to make it big in sport. But the reality is that the 29 year-old never made it anywhere near a top level side in any sport he’s tried playing. However despite not racking up many achievements in either rugby or cricket during his […]
Gaurav Sharma Hit With Noise Complaint About His “Loud And Uncontrollable Laughter”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics “SORRY, IT’S JUST SO GOOD” Expelled Labour MP Guarav Sharma is lucky to avoid a fine from Hamilton City Council today after a complaint was made to noise control about his “loud and uncontrollable laughter”. Sharma was in his lounge when noise control officers banged on the door to give him […]
<strong>Annoying Friend Won’t Shut Up About How She’s Already Done Her Christmas Shopping</strong>
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “WE GET IT, YOU’RE ORGANISED” Kelly Spratt can’t wait to strike up a conversation about Christmas shopping. That’s because the 26 year-old from Christchurch has already completed all of hers and cannot wait to tell that to others who have not done the same. Our reporters were with Spratt as she […]
Secret To Living A Private Life REVEALED! (And It Doesn’t Include Making A Netflix Documentary About Yourself)
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Lifestyle Are you tired of being in the media spotlight? Are you and your partner a celebrity couple who just want to live a quiet life like normal people? Your dream could become a reality – and it could be easier to get there than you think. Former royal couple Harry and […]
