Aucklander Sees Tractor For The First Time
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National “THEY’RE BIG AREN’T THEY?” Parnell based marketing pro and regular participant in the lunch rush, Ryan Jacobs got the fright of his life today. As he arrived at Auckland Domain with his normal takeaway sushi, he was confronted by a fleet of large tractors and various other farming vehicles, all out […]
Flat White Drinker Looking To Build On Personality By Changing Coffee Order To Something Weird
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “DO YOU HAVE OAT MILK?” Long time flat white drinker Fernando Collins has taken his identity into his own hands today, by ordering something quite different from his local coffee cart. “I’ll have a macchiato please Hayley. Do you have oat milk back there?” he asked as his usual office crew […]
Lunchtime Gym Bunny Makes Sure That He’s Seen In The Office In Exercise Gear
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CAN’T WAIT TIL AFTER WORK It was hard not to take note of Ian Harding in the office this afternoon. The 34 year-old territory manager had just returned to his corporate office in Wellington in full gym gear after what looked like a strenuous bout of exercise. This was while his […]
Still No Luck For Out Of Work Dr Michael Baker As His Job Hunt Continues
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National OUT OF WORK EPIDEMIOLOGIST Now that facemasks are not required anywhere apart from “healthcare settings”, former TV mask-nagger Dr Michael Baker is on the hunt for a new job. The epidemiologist has reportedly begun searching the popular job listing website, Seek, in an effort to get some money coming into the […]
Pest Control Called On Former TVNZ Presenter Kamahl Santamaria
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National MISSION CREEP Disgraced ex TVNZ presenter Kamahl Santamaria has been given an unwanted surprise of his own today. It wasn’t the fact he was hit with more allegations from his former workplaces and colleagues, but the fact a pest exterminator turned up to his home and began to spray him with […]
Smug Millennial Drafts Up A Series Of Tweets Ahead Of Racing Season
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture NUP TO THE CUP Pink haired millennial Ruby Wareing is set for a big month ahead on the internet. That’s because the 28 year-old from Wellington’s Aro Valley is already preparing a barrage of Tweets to let rip ahead of the racing season, which she knows will be well backed up […]
Sensationally Hungover Man Once Again Misses The McDonalds Breakfast Menu
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture COULD DO WITH A FEED Logan Ashton was never really in with a chance of making it in time for the McDonald’s breakfast menu this morning. After arriving home at 3:46am, after nearly 12 hours of drinking and a spontaneous trip to Christchurch’s casino, the 26 year-old was kidding himself if […]
“All Blacks XV Should Just Be Replaced By The Canterbury Team” – Chamberlain
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport QUICK FIX Craig Chamberlain is once again at loggerheads with New Zealand Rugby. That’s because he believes the ‘All Blacks XV’, which is made up of players from provincial sides, should be completely replaced with exclusively players from the Canterbury NPC team. The team is currently top of the table and […]
Neighbour Wins No Friends With Pre 8 AM Lawn Mowing On A Saturday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Nigel Springer refuses to let a week go by where his lawns are anything less than immaculate. But at times, his freshly mown lawns in his quarter acre block come at a cost. His actions seem to limit his popularity with the other houses backing into his Christchurch home in Hillmorton. […]
Fish And Chip Shop Proudly Displays Award Won In 2005
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local SIMPLY THE BEST Polstead Road Fish and Chips has been a local institution, serving up greasy deliciousness for 34 years now. But for owner Gary Lee, the pinnacle of success was his “Best Fish & Chip Shop” award, something he’s been proudly showcasing in his shop since 2005. “Yep, there she […]
