LIFE GOES ON: Undeterred By Flooding, Auckland Teen Ramraids Dairy In Motorboat
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National RESILIENCE Amid all the destruction in Auckland at the moment due to unprecedented flash flooding over the weekend, one teen showed us that it would take more than a bit of rain to slow him down. Dylan Mathieson, 15, refused to let flooding get in the way of his goals yesterday, […]
Auckland Dad Who Usually Says “We Needed This Rain” Now Very Quiet
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National DOSE OF REALITY Auckland dad Simon Johnson is usually quite vocal about how he believes a good downpour of rain is needed for his garden at his Takapuna home. However after witnessing Auckland’s torrential flooding over the past 48 hours, the 46 year-old father of two has been uncharacteristically quiet. “Usually […]
Hungover Bloke Ignores Cafe Menu And Robotically Orders The Big Breakfast
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “JUST THE BIG BREKKIE FOR ME THANKS” Liam Hunt was certain about one thing this morning. That was he knew he’d be ordering whatever big breakfast option the menu provided at Wanaka’s Urban Grind Eatery & Bar. The certainty comes after the 29 year-old spent last night with a group of […]
Soon To Be New PM Chris Hipkins Will Officially Replace “Be Kind” Slogan With “Spread Your Legs”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics STRAIGHT TO WORK Chris “Chippy” Hipkins is set to stamp his personality on the prime ministership when he takes over the top job in February. After no-one else wanted to take on the responsibility of leading Labour into a deeply humiliating election defeat, Hipkins agreed to captain the sinking ship. The […]
Mike Hosking Allegedly “Did A Little Dance”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics “YOU’RE IN A GOOD MOOD MIKE” An unnamed source close to veteran broadcaster Mike Hosking claims that he “did a little dance”, and that we all know why. The claim is eerily similar to someone else who in June 2020 said that she “did a little dance” because she thought that […]
HOLIDAY MISHAP: Woman Forgets To Post Aerial Photo From Inside Plane
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture MISSED OPPORTUNITY Holly Carrigan, 25, missed a golden opportunity this morning. She had the chance to deliver top quality pre-holiday content to her numerous instagram followers, which would have been the perfect start to her trip to Queenstown – but she absolutely blew it. As she sat on the Air New […]
Disappointment As Newly Released Book Is Not About The Real Prince Harry
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport WILL THE REAL PRINCE HARRY PLEASE STAND UP? There was disappointment among New Zealand cricket enthusiasts today. A release of a new memoir called ‘Spare’ has now been revealed to actually be about the life of the Duke of Sussex, Prince Harry, a ginger man originally from the UK who now […]
High School Music Tutor Secretly Not Sure Who He Hates More, Six60 Or Himself
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National BITTER PILL TO SWALLOW Over the last decade, Auckland Grammar music tutor Charles Telford has been outspoken in his opposition to the widely popular kiwi band, Six60. “Mr Telford”, as he’s known at his school, has published multiple long posts to his Facebook following, describing the band’s music as middle-of-the-road, bland […]
