Smug Wellingtonian Smirks At Out-Of-Towner Attempting To Use Umbrella
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! Emily Tait’s eyes began to roll back into her head in the Wellington rain today. That’s because as the 24 year-old graphic design student at Massey University was making her way to her 2pm class, she saw a man struggling to put up an umbrella in sideways […]
Palmy Bloke’s First Payment Of $116.67 Enjoys Short Stay In His Bank Account Before Moving On To The TAB
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National A SOUND INVESTMENT Troy Holbrook, 24, has made what he believes to be the only logical decision over what to do with Labour’s “cost of living payment” today. The Palmerston North based plumber, who is single with no dependents, has decided that because he has already budgeted for all the basics, […]
Romantic Boyfriend Offers Up Fairy-Tale Date Day Trip To Te Papa
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ROMANTICIST! Tim Conway, 23, knows he and his girlfriend of two years Dani Youngson, also 23, should go out on dates more often. The Wellingtonians flat together in Mount Cook and are working on their relationship at the moment, as things have become a bit testy at times since they moved […]
Newcomer To Christchurch Friend Group Baffled By Intense Interest In What School He Went To
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture IT MATTERS! Campbell Stanway, 24, thought his days of discussing anything high school related were over and in the past. But after recently moving from Wellington to Christchurch, he received an education at a housewarming party on the importance of understanding that in Christchurch, it definitely matters what school you attended […]
Michael Baker Blissfully Unaware That Nobody’s Wearing Masks In Bars, Mainly Because He’s Never Been To One
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National ANOTHER QUIET NIGHT IN Wellington-based lockdown enthusiast Dr Michael Baker is enjoying another quiet night in, safe in the knowledge that he’s done everything he can to spread the good word about mask use. However it appears that he has not been informed that bars across the country are completely back […]
PAUL’S LAST DAY AT TVNZ: Yurisich Introduced To HR For The First Time
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National “HI I’M PAUL, NICE TO MEET YOU!” Former Head of News and Current Affairs Paul Yurisich has met with HR at Television New Zealand for the very first time today. The surprising encounter comes following his resignation at the state broadcaster, due to the fallout involving his recruitment of former Breakfast […]
Photoshopped Picture Of Razor Next To World Cup Handed To NZRU To Illustrate An Obvious Point
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NOT TOO LATE! The New Zealand Rugby Union has officially been put on notice today. That’s after Crusaders supercoach Scott ‘Razor’ Robertson said in an interview that he is completely open to offers from rival countries and wants to win multiple Rugby World Cups with them. But if that wasn’t enough […]
Rangi Ruru Girls School Student Untroubled By Flooding Takes Family Boat To School
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National GREAT TO GET OUT ON THE WATER Widespread surface flooding across Christchurch was absolutely no match for one determined Rangi Ruru Girls School student in Merivale today. With a bit of water preventing the usual school morning drop offs in daddy’s Jaguar, 15 year old Ruby Whiting, and several others from […]
Wellington Recent Grad Confirms Getting Job Experience Difficult When You Have No Job Experience
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National TOUGH GIG! Hannah Fowler, 22, has hit a complete roadblock whilst applying for a marketing job she saw advertised on New Zealand’s Seek job website today. It’s not because the Victoria University of Wellington marketing graduate isn’t capable of doing the position advertised, it is simply because she has absolutely zero […]
TROUBLE IN PARADISE: James And Marama’s Marriage On The Rocks
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics BUT THEY SEEM SO HAPPY High profile married couple James Shaw and Marama Davidson have hit some turbulence in their marriage, with Shaw’s status as husband now in serious doubt. The power couple, who by all appearances seem to have a stable committed relationship, are also known for being the heads […]
