FOOLED AGAIN: Air NZ Passenger Opens “Kia Ora” Magazine Thinking It Will Be Interesting
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture WASN’T WORTH A TRY Wellington man Sheldon Maher foolishly got his hopes up on his Air New Zealand flight yesterday. The man was on his way to a much deserved Spring getaway in Queenstown, a welcome reprieve from his hellishly dull job as a corporate services officer at the Ministry of […]
Local Barista in Shock As Latte Lover Drastically Alters Order, Swapping In Oat Milk
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture CAFFEINATED CHAOS An Aro Valley barista has been left shaken this morning after his reliable, latte-drinking regular took the unprecedented step of “switching up” her order. The customer, known to baristas as ‘Emmaly’, is a favourite among cafe staff as she’s one of just four patrons whose drink order comprises only […]
SHOCK REVELATION: Girl with Ravenclaw Tattoo Comes Out as Hufflepuff
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture SHE MUST NOT TELL LIES Management Accountant and all-round clever clogs, Sarah Ward, has made a groundbreaking public confession. Having previously led colleagues, family and friends to believe that she was a high-flying Ravenclaw, the yo-pro last night revealed her true identity as a Hufflepuff. Surrounded by loved ones at an […]
HERE’S TO THE QUEEN!: In Memory Of Queen Elizabeth II, Local Bloke Heads To Work Drinks An Hour Early
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local PAYING RESPECTS Whakataki local man Rico Dagworth, 24, has taken the news of the passing of Queen Elizabeth II pretty hard. So hard in fact that he sees no other option than to skip out of work even earlier than usual on a Friday. “Just feels like the right thing to […]
Otago Student Leaves Supermarket Trip Until After 8 PM When It’s Acceptable To Go In PJs And Dressing Gown
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ALL CLASS Matt Whiting has so far done absolutely nothing but sit inside his freezing Castle Street flat all day. Procrastinating with his studies, the 20 year-old second year health-science student finally mustered up the courage to do something meaningful, albeit heading into the evening. But like his studies, he put […]
“Let’s Just Go For One” Says Bloke About To Blow It All On Payday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “WE’VE EARNED IT” It had only ticked past midday, but Keaton Johnstone couldn’t wait until 4:30pm arrived. The distribution warehouse worker from Christchurch was already eyeing up one particular local watering hole to head to as soon as they knocked off. Our reporters were on scene as the conversation unfolded. “Let’s […]
South Islanders Start Spring The Right Way With A Blast Of Snow
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National SPRING HAS SPRUNG A bitterly cold blast has hit most of the country today, with the South Island deciding what better way to kick start the season of Spring than with a short blast of the freezing cold white stuff. “Yeah look it definitely freshens you up just when you think […]
Hosking Turns Down Chance To Be On Celebrity Treasure Island, Surprising No One
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THE SUN SETS BETTER IN REMUERA Veteran broadcaster Mike Hosking has surprised absolutely nobody with his decision to pass on an offer to be on the latest Celebrity Treasure Island series. ‘The Hosk’ allegedly turned down TVNZ’s offer, choosing not to battle it out with 21 other celebrities for a chance […]
Tourist Ridiculed In Wellington CBD For Claiming That Wellington Could Be Beaten On A Good Day
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CAN’T BE BEATEN! Lukas Schneider didn’t realise the trouble he was about to cause. That’s because the 26 year-old from Frankfurt Germany outlandishly claimed that New Zealand’s coolest little capital Wellington, could in fact be beaten on a good day. The Whakataki Times reporters caught up with Schneider on Cuba Street, […]
New Dad Too Tired To Know It’s Fathers’ Day
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “ALL I WANT IS A SLEEP IN” Aidan Jacobs, father to two month old Noah, has passed through his first Fathers’ Day as a new dad without actually noticing it was happening. Still getting used to the idea that he is now required to operate as a human being without sleep […]
