Third Grade Cricketer Gears Up For Another Season Of Failure
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport COULD BE HIS SEASON Jake Macaksill, 31, has considered chucking it in every cricket season for the past decade, but the veteran Eastern Suburbs third grader thinks this will be his year when he finally turns his form around. Macaskill, who claims he’s a “bit of an all-rounder” despite batting nine […]
CONTENT IS QUEEN: News Editors Pretty Much Sorted For The Next Couple Of Weeks
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National AHEAD OF THE GAME The country’s top news editors and producers for television and print are almost operating in holiday mode at the moment. The biggest fear for any top level news editor is to be stuck working throughout a quiet news period. But that won’t be the case for the […]
UNMASKED: Barista And Customer Enjoy Pleasant Normal Human Interaction Using All Their Facial Features
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “IT’S SO WEIRD TO SEE PEOPLE’S FACES” Wellington-based caffeine addict Katy Wilkinson has remembered what it’s like to be part of a normal society today. As she ducked out of her Willis Street office and went to her usual Mojo coffee shop at 10 o’clock, she was blown away to remember […]
One-Eyed Cantab Reckons The All Blacks Should Play in Christchurch, Not In “Bloody Melbourne On A Bloody Thursday Night!”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport HAS A POINT Craig Chamberlain has again got beef with the NZRU and The All Blacks. The 56 year-old from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley is finding it hard to comprehend why the All Blacks are facing the Wallabies in the first Bledisloe Cup test in the AFL hotbed of Melbourne, […]
MAKE THAT FOUR DAYS OF MOURNING: Employers Experience Flood Of Friday Annual Leave Requests
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National MAXIMISING THE LONG WEEKEND Wellington customer services team leader Nicole Bennett had quite the increase in annual leave requests earlier this afternoon. One of Bennett’s customer advisors Alice Wright, 22, said she immediately put in her request as soon as Cabinet hit the green light on the one-off holiday to mourn […]
Team Lead Kicks Off Māori Language Week By Letting Rip A Hearty ‘Morayna’
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture DUSTING OFF THE OLD PEPEHA John Wicken, 54, has taken a big step in proving to his team at work that he’s finally embracing the Māori language. The team leader at the Ministry for Primary Industries was making an extra effort after finding out earlier this morning that it was Te […]
Woman Punishes Hungover Boyfriend With Sunday Morning Walk Up Mount Vic
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ‘COME ON IT’LL BE FUN!’ Anna Henshaw could not have been a more terrible girlfriend this morning. The 25 year-old who flats in Newtown with her boyfriend Tom Broad, also 25, suggested that the two of them just go for a carefree walk up to the Mount Victoria Lookout, on a […]
Man Under The Impression That Bouncer Won’t Notice The 12 Beers He’s Just Deleted
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture RECKONS HE’S ONLY HAD A COUPLE Jordan Lee had it all planned out. After putting back a box of Heikenens and a random RTD he sculled back as he waited for his Uber, the 22 year-old had a well thought out plan about how he would be let into popular night […]
FOOLED AGAIN: Air NZ Passenger Opens “Kia Ora” Magazine Thinking It Will Be Interesting
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture WASN’T WORTH A TRY Wellington man Sheldon Maher foolishly got his hopes up on his Air New Zealand flight yesterday. The man was on his way to a much deserved Spring getaway in Queenstown, a welcome reprieve from his hellishly dull job as a corporate services officer at the Ministry of […]
Local Barista in Shock As Latte Lover Drastically Alters Order, Swapping In Oat Milk
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture CAFFEINATED CHAOS An Aro Valley barista has been left shaken this morning after his reliable, latte-drinking regular took the unprecedented step of “switching up” her order. The customer, known to baristas as ‘Emmaly’, is a favourite among cafe staff as she’s one of just four patrons whose drink order comprises only […]
