Report: NZ Rugby Says Everything Is Just Fine
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BACK ON TRACK! New Zealand Rugby and the All Blacks have confirmed everything is just fine today by making absolutely no sweeping changes to their current squad or coaching staff in their Rugby Championship squad. After an historic 2-1 home test series loss to Ireland, the All Blacks were expected to […]
WORLD’S GONE SOFT: Wellington Frequent-Flier Scathing About Cancelled Flights
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National JUST A BIT OF WIND James Callahan, 40, audibly scoffed this morning upon hearing the news that his flight home into Wellington was cancelled due to severe wind and rain. “Gah, what a joke. Just a bit of wind, what are they worried about?” said the senior sales executive, visibly frustrated, […]
ASH’S HANGOVER: Bloomfield Suffering After Leaving Drinks And Damaging Night Out
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National “ERRRGH..” Dr Ashley Bloomfield finally let his hair down last night but boy is he paying for it today. The Director-General of Health, who deserved a beer more than anyone in New Zealand, decided that Tuesday night was the time to celebrate the end of two years spent fronting New Zealand’s […]
INFLATION CRISIS: Cost Of $10 Punt At The TAB Blows Out To $10.70
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National NOT THE TAB TOO! Hutt Valley local Mark Hickey got a taste of just how far-reaching our inflation problem has become yesterday afternoon. Entering Trentham TAB after a long day doing maintenance on the train tracks, Hickey went to slap $10 on the dogs, but upon arriving at the counter, he […]
Auckland Woman’s Repeated Hints To Get Engaged Still Not Getting Through To Oblivious Boyfriend
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National STILL NO RING! Charlotte Fuller is a woman who definitely knows what she wants. The 28 year-old Aucklander has been waiting patiently for her boyfriend of four years Reece Campbell, 29, to propose to her. Although she likes the idea of a traditional marriage, her current focus is on having a […]
New Zealand Rugby Leadership Ditch All Devices And Go Tramping On Stewart Island
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport IT’S FINE, EVERYTHING IS FINE! Following the All Blacks historic test series loss to Ireland, the NZRU leadership have made a timely trip to Stewart Island for a bit of an outdoors experience, a move that they believe is “well overdue” and not at all avoiding the obvious issue at hand. […]
Woman Self Prescribes One Litre Of Berocca After Midweek Blowout
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT! Hayley Wakefield, 25, was a complete shell of her former self this morning. The customer service consultant from BNZ in Auckland showed up to work looking incredibly worse for wear after catching up with a few of her girlfriends who were visiting from out of […]
Violent Punch Up Between Nelson Man And Blenheim Man Over Who Gets More Sunshine Hours
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture UPPER SOUTH ISLAND RUMBLE Kade Hawley and Dillon Young, both 26 from the Tasman district were at absolute loggerheads in Nelson this afternoon. The men, who are old friends, found themselves in a heated argument after 10 plus beers about which of their towns gets the most sunshine hours. As Nelson […]
TIGHTENING THE BELT: Local Man Cancels Spotify Premium And Jams IRD Hold Music Instead
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local NEVERMIND THE WAIT TIMES! Ben Olsen is finally making decisions for the benefit of his future after cancelling his Spotify Premium subscription today. “The cost of living is through the roof and who can afford 15 bucks a month? Especially if you’re like me and only listen to kiwi bangers,” said […]
Team Leader’s Popularity Through The Roof After Email Reminder About Putting Dirty Dishes In The Dishwasher
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local CUPS DON’T BELONG AT YOUR DESK Olivia Gallagher will without a doubt be flavour of the month with her team members this afternoon. That’s because the 45-year-old team leader at one of the several hundred divisions of the Ministry of Business, Innovation and Enterprise (MBIE), sent the following email to her […]
