Local Woman Continues Lie That She Will Make Banana Bread
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local “I’M GOING TO USE THEM SOON!” 22 months ago, Whakataki local Lisa Jenkins, 29, decided she would freeze some bananas with the very clear intention of making banana bread at some point. However, while her intentions are good, the reality is that she is living a complete lie if she thinks […]
Local Dad Educates Son About Why NPC Is The Only Real Rugby Left
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT! Craig Harden, 59, has given his 17 year-old son Jayden some much needed guidance on what type of rugby he should be watching. As the father and son sat down to watch the first game of this year’s Bunnings NPC match between Canterbury and Manawatu, the car […]
Wellington Coffee Know-It-All Insists Flat White Is Now A Latte After Spotting Extra Millimetre Of Foam
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture QUEEN OF CAFFEINE! Kara Stratton, 26, is a coffee aficionado. That’s because she describes herself as exactly that on all her bios of social media, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and also a 2012 Tumblr blog which she hasn’t updated in a decade. But her friend Rebekah McKnight, 25, can also vouch for […]
Razor Stuffs Himself Into Sam Whitelock’s Suitcase Just In Case
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport ANYTIME NOW! Crusaders supercoach Scott “Razor” Robertson has once again made himself very available to take over the All Blacks top job. That’s after he decided to stuff himself inside Sam Whitelock’s suitcase and make the 17 hour journey to Mbombela, South Africa, ahead of the All Blacks two test matches against […]
Retiree Points At Flood Footage On TV And Says “That’s Climate Change For Ya”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National HA SEE? IT’S HAPPENING. Manawatu retiree Janet Davidson, 65, has just pointed to irrefutable evidence that climate change is happening and we’re all doomed unless we do something. As Davidson sat down to her dinner of steak, broccoli, carrot and potato, with her husband Dennis, a Newshub news story caught her […]
TK Misunderstands Government Healthcare Job Push – Turns Up To Hutt Hospital For A Shift
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National WHERE DO YOU NEED ME? After the government weirdly announced that the TV programme Shortland Street will be part of a push to get more people working in healthcare, doctor TK Samuels has inadvertently ended up standing at Hutt Hospital reception in a confused state. “I was in Wellington and it […]
Otago Uni Student Gears Up For Fourth Night On Sheetless Mattress After Failed Weekend Washing Attempt
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THEY’LL DRY SOON! Cam McIntyre, 20, had the best of intentions over the weekend. The second-year sport and exercise science student at the University of Otago, decided he would wash his bed sheets on Saturday morning, something to make him feel a bit better about life after deleting the best part […]
Smug Wellingtonian Smirks At Out-Of-Towner Attempting To Use Umbrella
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! Emily Tait’s eyes began to roll back into her head in the Wellington rain today. That’s because as the 24 year-old graphic design student at Massey University was making her way to her 2pm class, she saw a man struggling to put up an umbrella in sideways […]
Palmy Bloke’s First Payment Of $116.67 Enjoys Short Stay In His Bank Account Before Moving On To The TAB
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National A SOUND INVESTMENT Troy Holbrook, 24, has made what he believes to be the only logical decision over what to do with Labour’s “cost of living payment” today. The Palmerston North based plumber, who is single with no dependents, has decided that because he has already budgeted for all the basics, […]
Romantic Boyfriend Offers Up Fairy-Tale Date Day Trip To Te Papa
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ROMANTICIST! Tim Conway, 23, knows he and his girlfriend of two years Dani Youngson, also 23, should go out on dates more often. The Wellingtonians flat together in Mount Cook and are working on their relationship at the moment, as things have become a bit testy at times since they moved […]
