Boomer Drafts Complaint To The Broadcasting Standards Authority Ahead Of Black Clash Commentary
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport ON THE FRONT FOOT EARLY Keith Williams, 69, will once again tune in to watch the Hot Spring Spas T20 Black Clash this weekend. Like many cricket lovers his age, he loves everything about the Black Clash except the commentary. As the same group of commentators return for the TVNZ broadcast, […]
Remembering Face Mask A Step Too Far On Top Of Wallet, Keys and Phone
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local Whakataki local Steve Morgan has confirmed his place in his boss’s bad books today after being late to work for the second time in as many weeks. The 26-year-old scaffolder told the Whakataki Times that during his morning routine he forgot his face mask, an additional item that has been tacked […]
Wellington Man Pretends To Enjoy The Taste Of Very High Percentage Craft Beer
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National Ryan Anderson put on the acting performance of his life on Sunday. The stage was set when the 31 year old freelance designer met friends for drinks at a painfully trendy bar in the Wellington suburb of Newtown. Anderson’s friend Jamie was ordering at the bar and asked him what he […]
Woman Claims To Need Holiday To Recover From Her Holiday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture BACK TO WORK BLUES! Kelly Higgins, 27, does not want to accept the reality she is in. “It’s like I need a holiday to recover from my holiday!” laughed the Finance Administrator from Rotorua, surrounded by work colleagues. This comment and many more like it came after spending four weeks sleeping […]
Man In Office With Blue Powerade Signals Midweek Hangover
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local Simon Marshall didn’t need to say anything to his workmates this morning – his blue Powerade did all the talking. The 29 year old quantity surveyor from Levin may as well have put a sign up saying “Viciously hungover, do not disturb”. Whakataki Construction account manager Jake Brooks agreed to provide […]
Tennis NZ Makes It Abundantly Obvious To Novak Djokovic That He Can Not Come And Play Here
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport JUST TO BE CLEAR. Tennis NZ in conjunction with New Zealand’s border agencies have decided to be completely up front and obvious with the Men’s Number 1 tennis player Novak Djokovic. Tennis NZ representative Michael Ball has been in contact with the Serb to eliminate any shred of doubt there may […]
Owner Of Silver Toyota Prius At The End Of His Tether: “I’m Not An Uber!”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National “Just because I’m an Indian bloke with a Prius doesn’t mean you can just hop into my car and assume I’m a bloody uber driver!” Jay Patel has had an absolute gutsful. For the third time this week, a complete stranger has opened the front passenger door of his 2010 Toyota […]
Local Genius Fires Off “Can’t Beat Wellington On A Good Day” Social Media Post
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National “Ha geez, better check how many likes it has now.” Even the galeforce winds would struggle to wipe the smile off Angus Williams’ face this morning. The 28 year-old inner-city public servant had only minutes ago posted a photo of Oriental Parade captioned ‘Can’t beat Wellington on a good day’ on […]
Woman Pronounces Herself Dead After Botched Fake Tan
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local DIY DISASTER! Whakataki local Sophie White, 21, has pronounced herself dead after making a complete hash of applying fake tan to her body. White was looking to be fully brown ahead of a weekend of music festivals and night clubbing, but will now start a completely new life in the South […]
Novak Djokovic On The Phone To Wanaka Couple For Travel Exemption Advice
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport World No.1 men’s tennis player Novak Djokovic has allegedly been in touch with New Zealand travel exemption experts William Willis and Hannah Rawnsley on how they used their wealth and social status to fully flout the law. The Serbian tennis star was refused entry into Australia over a visa vaccine exemption […]
