Local Bloke Putting Back His Sixth Beer Claims He’ll Get Up For Dawn Service

GOOD INTENTIONS!
Jake Symons, 26, has fooled absolutely nobody after making the outlandish claim that he’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn on a public holiday for the Anzac service.
Instagram Releases New Filters For Christchurch People To Show What School They Went To

LEGACY LENS.
Instagram has unveiled a new feature: Filters for Christchurch people to proudly display their high school affiliations.
Annual Leave Maximiser Has Naturally Pre-Locked In Friday Between Anzac And The Weekend

BE SILLY NOT TO.
Office know-it-all Ryan Duggan has shown his colleagues once again why he’s the best in the business.
Wellington Public Servants Looking For Something To Smile About Get Behind Hurricanes

SING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING!
Joanne Wilkinson and Amy Bayliss, both 29-year-old advisors at the Ministry of Education, have recently come across a welcome distraction.
CRUSADERS CRISIS: One Eyed Cantab Believes It’s 2004 And He’s Being Punk’d By Ashton Kutcher

ONLY EXPLANATION.
A disbelieving Craig Chamberlain is testing a new theory about why the Crusaders appear to be last on the Super Rugby table.
Blenheim Driver In Auckland Hits Three Red Lights In A Row And Absolutely Loses His Mind

HOW DO YOU GET ANYWHERE?!?!?!
Blenheim real estate agent Simon Jones reckons replacing traffic lights with roundabouts would fix Auckland’s traffic problems.
Crusaders Fans Encouraged To Streak During Games So Crowd Has Something To Cheer About

GETTING CREATIVE.
The Crusaders marketing department has come up with a novel approach to ensuring home Super Rugby games are entertaining.
COST CUTTING: Stuff’s 6 O’Clock News Bulletin To Be Presented By A.I Robot

SAVINGS TO BE MADE.
Only hours after revealing that Stuff would be taking over TV 3’s 6 o’clock news duties, owner Sinead Boucher has dropped another bombshell.
Wellingtonian Growing Hair Out In Anticipation Of Windswept Winter Look

TAKE THE WEATHER WITH YOU.
A KPMG associate is sporting a new look in recent weeks as he gears up for a big winter complaining about the weather.
Unbearable Hurricanes Fan’s Messages Left On “Seen”

SEVEN IN A ROW.
Hurricanes fan Campbell Taylor, who was recently diagnosed with “Our Year syndrome”, is apparently becoming harder and harder to be around.