Harry And Meghan Plotting Divorce So They Can Get Some Netflix Content Out Of It
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have been getting dragged by the media recently for their failure to deliver consumable content as part of their contracts with Netflix and Spotify. A leading executive at Spotify even went as far as labelling them “the fucking grifters”.
Chinese Foreign Minister Snubs Chippy Hipkins With Absolutely No Offer Of Sausage Rolls
Prime Minister Chippy Hipkins arrived in China early this morning to a less than warm welcome. Chinese Foreign Minister Ma Zhaoxu was all smiles when he welcomed the “ginga from the Hutt”, but did not present the visiting prime minister with anything resembling a sausage roll.
One Eyed Cantab Storms Into Tattoo Parlour To Get “Crusaders 2023 Champions” Tat
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport CRUSADE ON Craig Chamberlain has decided to immortalise the Crusaders 2023 championship on his skin, hours before the Super Rugby final has even taken place. The 56 year-old from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley has again shown unwavering faith over the past few weeks, camping out in the CBD ahead their […]
Razor Packs Flattened Cardboard Boxes In Case FMG Stadium No Good For Breakdancing
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport THE LAST DANCE Crusaders coach Scott Robertson is again getting ahead of the game. With tomorrow night’s Super Rugby Pacific final against the Chiefs being played away from Christchurch’s Orangetheory Stadium, a turf where he’s break-danced many championships before, Robertson wanted to ensure his team’s victory at Waikato’s FMG Stadium is […]
Smug Millennial Asks Office Rugby Fans If They’ll Be Watching The Super Sportsball Final
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport THE SUPERBOWL OF SPORTS Harmless office troublemaker Ruby Galbraith successfully ruffled her colleagues’ feathers at the Ministry of Business Innovation and Enterprise this morning. During a long-serving employee’s leaving morning tea, the 30 year old targeted rugby fans Sam Ellison and Josh Orr, with a pre-planned snipe at the sport they […]
Bloke Who Graduated In 2012 Still Searching For Bargains On Vic Deals
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CAN’T MOVE ON Jake McCormick does not believe he’s someone who clings on to the past. But in reality, the 33 year-old former Victoria University of Wellington student, who graduated in 2012, has continued to remain a member of the Vic Deals Facebook page. The page, which is used to sell […]
FINALLY: Michael Wood Resigns After Being Asked For The 12th Time
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics JUST BEEN BUSY It’s been a busy few years for poor old Michael Wood. There’s been lots of important things on, and lots of little bits and pieces that tend to end up getting forgotten. That’s even when there’s been 12 reminders to do them. Last month it was revealed that […]
Paid For Office Heating Lures Fully Remote Worker Away From Cold Damp Flat
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture WORK CULTURE The leadership at Wellington marketing firm Excite have been trying for months to entice their workers back into their comfortable office environment. Since New Zealand’s laptop class now expects to be able to “work from home”, it has become nearly impossible to build any kind of company culture other […]
Shaun Stevenson Texts Ian Foster To Ask If He’s Seen Any Of His Games This Season
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport FAIR QUESTION Chiefs fullback Shaun Stevenson has sent a different type of message to All Blacks coach Ian Foster. This time the Waikato bolter chose to send a simple text instead of yet another scintillating performance on the rugby field. “Hey Ian, just checking in. Have you seen any of my […]
Blues Bandwagon Found Crashed And Burnt Out On Side Of Road
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport ABANDONED Thousands of Blues supporters who have been riding the wave of their team’s success this season, have now effectively ghosted their own beloved team. Nothing was more telling than the bandwagon with Blues logos and flags that was found abandoned and burnt out on the side of the road near […]
