Christchurch Dad Welcomes The Hot Weather By Thrashing Kids With New Super Soaker
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture SUN’S OUT GUNS OUT, KIDS! As Christchurch temperatures entered the 30s this morning, local dad Damian “Damo” Burns was chomping at the bit to test his brand new Super Soaker on sons Aaron, 9, and Phoenix, 7. Full-time IT salesperson and part-time responsible caregiver, Damo, was feeling optimistic when he purchased […]
Ed Sheeran Becomes The Most Ginger Person To Play At The Cake Tin Since Paul Tito
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture A-TEAM English singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran is used to making records, but tonight he is breaking them in Wellington. Tonight, Sheeran becomes the most ginger person to play at Sky Stadium, Wellington’s premier sporting arena, affectionately known as ‘The Cake Tin’. The redhead has now surpassed former Hurricanes stalwart Paul Tito, who […]
Australian Drongo Bird Annoyed About Being Lumped In With New Zealand Media
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “STONE THE FLAMIN’ CROWS!” A prominent bird in Australia has had his feathers ruffled in recent days, after finding out that his species’ name was being used as a slur to describe New Zealand journalists. Daz the spangled drongo gave a statement to the Australian press this afternoon. “Maaate, this is […]
BACK TO SCHOOL: Epsom Girls Grammar Student Sails The Family Yacht To School
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture NO DADDY’S MASERATI, NO PROBLEM Millie Boyce, 16, wasn’t going to let the remainder of Auckland’s floods get in her way from arriving at school in style. Boyce, who lives in Epsom, is usually dropped off to Epsom Girls Grammar School by her father in his Maserati, which he drives to […]
“BUGGER OFF DRONGOS”: Journalist Hit By Old Man With Tennis Racket
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture BACKHAND GAME STRONG A journalist is slightly worse for wear this afternoon after getting a backhand of sorts from Auckland Mayor Wayne Brown. Brown, who enjoys his tennis, was his grumpy old self as journalists gathered at his local tennis club, seeking more comment from him about his response to Auckland’s […]
LIFE GOES ON: Undeterred By Flooding, Auckland Teen Ramraids Dairy In Motorboat
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National RESILIENCE Amid all the destruction in Auckland at the moment due to unprecedented flash flooding over the weekend, one teen showed us that it would take more than a bit of rain to slow him down. Dylan Mathieson, 15, refused to let flooding get in the way of his goals yesterday, […]
Auckland Dad Who Usually Says “We Needed This Rain” Now Very Quiet
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National DOSE OF REALITY Auckland dad Simon Johnson is usually quite vocal about how he believes a good downpour of rain is needed for his garden at his Takapuna home. However after witnessing Auckland’s torrential flooding over the past 48 hours, the 46 year-old father of two has been uncharacteristically quiet. “Usually […]
Woman Cooks Meal For First Time Since Tuesday Last Week
KASSIE MACKAY | Culture CULINARY QUEEN One Whakataki woman is beaming with pride this evening as she plates up a home cooked meal for the first time in over a week. Sarah Lister, a 32-year-old finance advisor, has this evening prepared a totally edible meal of spaghetti bolognese, garnished with finely grated Mainland Tasty cheese. […]
Local Beachgoer Confidently Claims “It’s Warm Once You Get In”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “BEAUUUUUTIFUL” Beachgoer and Hutt Valley-based landscaper Scott McCracken shocked his friend group today, after being the first to put his head under the water at Petone Beach over the weekend. While his friends were frozen with fear at the shallow end, with the water only reaching their ankles, McCracken was already […]
Whacky Far Right Conspiracy Theory Circulating That Jacinda Ardern “Resigned As Prime Minister”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics WHERE’S JACINDA? Since late last week a bizarre conspiracy theory has been making the rounds, and has even made its way into the mainstream. While it’s unknown which dark corner of the internet this theory originated from, news outlets worldwide have been reporting that New Zealand’s Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has […]
