NOT AGAIN! NZ Rugby Double-Books Itself For Friday Drinks
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport DILEMMA New Zealand Rugby have found themselves in a bit of a conundrum. The Wellington based rugby executives have had drinks booked in at Dockside with the All Blacks jersey sponsor Alrad for a couple of months, but totally forgotten they’d recently decided to have drinks with Adidas at Foxglove on […]
REPORT: $5 Pepperoni At Domino’s Dodges Inflation For 12th Year In A Row
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National STILL COMMERCIALLY VIABLE Despite the cost of everything going up, it would appear that the total cost of ingredients, labour and overhead to produce a pepperoni pizza at Domino’s has stayed roughly the same since 2010. While things like fruit and vegetables, petrol and building supplies have fallen victim to the […]
Massey Students Forced To Get Creative After Six Days Of No Toilet Paper In Flat
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture THINKING CAPS ON A group of five Massey University flatmates in Palmerston North are putting their brains to use for once during some trying times. The friends, who are all aged between 19 and 20 years of age, in their second year at university, have been coming up with different ways […]
Indian Friend Won’t Shut Up About Virat Kohli’s Innings Last Night
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport “KING KOHLI” Arjuna Singh has been annoying his non-Indian friends on social media today. The 28 year-old IT consultant has been endlessly tagging kiwi mates in Facebook posts about Virat Kohli’s masterclass innings against Pakistan at the MCG last night. “King Kohli! Watch out Kiwis, the real King is back!” Singh […]
Local Woman Takes Sledgehammer To Wall After Rush Of Blood To The Head From Watching The Block
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture SPARK OF INSPIRATION Recent new homeowner Chelsea Golding, of Hamilton, has given her husband Isaac the fright of his life today. Isaac had taken this Labour Day as an opportunity to do a few life-admin things in town this morning. When he got home however, he found that his wife had […]
Man Rewatches Black Caps Win Over Australia Just To Double Check It Really Happened
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport Damian Wilson cannot believe that the world he is in is part of reality. The 29 year-old has had to double check that the Blackcaps’ dominant 89 run win over Australia was indeed part of the real world, as the Kiwis humiliated the Aussies at the SCG last night. “I had […]
Man Pulls Off Perfect Crime By Depositing Excess Recycling Into Neighbour’s Bin
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture SHARING IS CARING Recycling day can’t come soon enough for Todd Bird and his three other Christchurch flatmates. The group of unattached males have once again reached their recycling bin’s capacity four days ahead of the usual rubbish day. The dilemma has forced 27 year-old Bird to put their excess recycling, […]
Two Blokes Steaming Into A Supermarket At 4:30pm A Friday Definitely Not Doing A Weekly Shop
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Caleb Smith and Mitch Barker could barely control themselves as they waited for Pak N Save’s sliding doors to open this afternoon. The 26-year-olds, who both work in Christchurch’s CBD, had absolutely no need for a shopping trolley or basket as they eagerly navigated the supermarket with only one thing on […]
GP Receptionist Updating Waiting Room Reading Material Welcomes The June 2019 Issue Of Woman’s Weekly
KASSIE MACKAY| National HOT OFF THE PRESS Medical receptionists across the country are struggling to contain their excitement this evening, as they prepare to release the long-awaited June 2019 issue of New Zealand Woman’s Weekly. The monthly mag is rumoured to contain exclusive photos of the newest royal, Prince Archie, the regular challenging cryptic crosswords, […]
COSTING OF LIVING CRISIS: Public Servant Forced to Buy Shoes at Chain Store
KASSIE MACKAY| Culture INFLATION GOES A STEP TOO FAR Millie Jones, a Principal Analyst at MBIE’s Wellington HQ is despairing at the state of the economy, having found her monthly shoe budget eroded by inflation. It has forced the 29-year-old public servant to think outside the box and almost humiliatingly visit chain store Hannah’s to […]
