Aussies Caught Cheating And Have A Big Cry About It
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport “JUST KICK IT MAN!” Bernard Foley has taken the concept of ignoring the referee in order to waste time to a whole new level. In last night’s Bledisloe Cup match that finished up 39-37 to the All Blacks, Foley single-handedly lost his team the game by taking the absolute piss while […]
Genius Melbourne Bloke Lets Off A Bunch Of Fireworks Inside
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Sport BIT SMOKEY ISN’T IT? Melbourne-based brainiac Robbo Cobson has had an absolute mare at Marvel Stadium tonight. The 52 year old pyrotechnics “specialist” has decided it would be a good idea to let off professional grade display fireworks inside an indoor stadium with the roof closed. The report comes as thick […]
Local Bloke Calculates That Second Energy Drink Tomorrow Will Counteract Horrendously Late Kick Off Tonight
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport THINKING AHEAD It doesn’t matter that Kieron Larson has to get up for work at 5:30 tomorrow morning, because the 23 year-old reckons he has tomorrow’s predetermined overtiredness all sorted. With the All Blacks and Wallabies kicking off in the first Bledisloe Cup test in Melbourne tonight at 9:45pm NZT, it’ll […]
Bic Runga’s Sway Propelled To Number 1 Thanks To IRD Hold Music Being Included In Streaming Numbers
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National SWAY MY WAY Kiwi singer songwriter Bic Runga is back at the top of the NZ music charts. After finding success nationally and internationally in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, Runga is back in the limelight after a number of New Zealand call centres had her song ‘Sway’ included in […]
Wellington Airport Says No Thanks To Amazon’s Offer Of Giant Rings Of Power Snow Troll
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture OH NAH WE’LL BE ALRIGHT Wellington Airport’s senior management have turned down what was a desperate plea from the promotions department at Amazon Prime Video yesterday. Airport spokesperson Matthew Lee told the Whakataki Times that Amberley Fonseca, from Amazon’s promotions department, essentially begged to have a giant snow troll installed at […]
Third Grade Cricketer Gears Up For Another Season Of Failure
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport COULD BE HIS SEASON Jake Macaksill, 31, has considered chucking it in every cricket season for the past decade, but the veteran Eastern Suburbs third grader thinks this will be his year when he finally turns his form around. Macaskill, who claims he’s a “bit of an all-rounder” despite batting nine […]
CONTENT IS QUEEN: News Editors Pretty Much Sorted For The Next Couple Of Weeks
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National AHEAD OF THE GAME The country’s top news editors and producers for television and print are almost operating in holiday mode at the moment. The biggest fear for any top level news editor is to be stuck working throughout a quiet news period. But that won’t be the case for the […]
UNMASKED: Barista And Customer Enjoy Pleasant Normal Human Interaction Using All Their Facial Features
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “IT’S SO WEIRD TO SEE PEOPLE’S FACES” Wellington-based caffeine addict Katy Wilkinson has remembered what it’s like to be part of a normal society today. As she ducked out of her Willis Street office and went to her usual Mojo coffee shop at 10 o’clock, she was blown away to remember […]
One-Eyed Cantab Reckons The All Blacks Should Play in Christchurch, Not In “Bloody Melbourne On A Bloody Thursday Night!”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport HAS A POINT Craig Chamberlain has again got beef with the NZRU and The All Blacks. The 56 year-old from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley is finding it hard to comprehend why the All Blacks are facing the Wallabies in the first Bledisloe Cup test in the AFL hotbed of Melbourne, […]
MAKE THAT FOUR DAYS OF MOURNING: Employers Experience Flood Of Friday Annual Leave Requests
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National MAXIMISING THE LONG WEEKEND Wellington customer services team leader Nicole Bennett had quite the increase in annual leave requests earlier this afternoon. One of Bennett’s customer advisors Alice Wright, 22, said she immediately put in her request as soon as Cabinet hit the green light on the one-off holiday to mourn […]
