Otago Student Leaves Supermarket Trip Until After 8 PM When It’s Acceptable To Go In PJs And Dressing Gown
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture ALL CLASS Matt Whiting has so far done absolutely nothing but sit inside his freezing Castle Street flat all day. Procrastinating with his studies, the 20 year-old second year health-science student finally mustered up the courage to do something meaningful, albeit heading into the evening. But like his studies, he put […]
“Let’s Just Go For One” Says Bloke About To Blow It All On Payday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture “WE’VE EARNED IT” It had only ticked past midday, but Keaton Johnstone couldn’t wait until 4:30pm arrived. The distribution warehouse worker from Christchurch was already eyeing up one particular local watering hole to head to as soon as they knocked off. Our reporters were on scene as the conversation unfolded. “Let’s […]
South Islanders Start Spring The Right Way With A Blast Of Snow
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National SPRING HAS SPRUNG A bitterly cold blast has hit most of the country today, with the South Island deciding what better way to kick start the season of Spring than with a short blast of the freezing cold white stuff. “Yeah look it definitely freshens you up just when you think […]
Hosking Turns Down Chance To Be On Celebrity Treasure Island, Surprising No One
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THE SUN SETS BETTER IN REMUERA Veteran broadcaster Mike Hosking has surprised absolutely nobody with his decision to pass on an offer to be on the latest Celebrity Treasure Island series. ‘The Hosk’ allegedly turned down TVNZ’s offer, choosing not to battle it out with 21 other celebrities for a chance […]
Tourist Ridiculed In Wellington CBD For Claiming That Wellington Could Be Beaten On A Good Day
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CAN’T BE BEATEN! Lukas Schneider didn’t realise the trouble he was about to cause. That’s because the 26 year-old from Frankfurt Germany outlandishly claimed that New Zealand’s coolest little capital Wellington, could in fact be beaten on a good day. The Whakataki Times reporters caught up with Schneider on Cuba Street, […]
New Dad Too Tired To Know It’s Fathers’ Day
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “ALL I WANT IS A SLEEP IN” Aidan Jacobs, father to two month old Noah, has passed through his first Fathers’ Day as a new dad without actually noticing it was happening. Still getting used to the idea that he is now required to operate as a human being without sleep […]
“Where The Hell Has That Been For The Past 10 Months?” Yells Satisfied All Blacks Fan
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport DIDN’T THINK IT’D HAPPEN UNDER FOSTER! Braden Dixon, 28, finally saw an All Blacks performance that looked familiar to him. That’s after the All Blacks demolished Argentina 53-3 in Hamilton last night, snapping a three match home losing streak and probably preventing coach Ian Foster from having to fall on his […]
Wellington Airport Refuses To Let Us Forget About Those Movies That Came Out Twenty Years Ago
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture YOU SHALL NOT FORGET! The two giant eagles at Wellington Airport aren’t just there to frighten children. They’re also a constant reminder of that movie New Zealand made ages ago. Wellington Airport spokeswoman Janet Kirk spoke to the Whakataki Times reporters about the airport’s persistence in not letting us forget about […]
“Start Playing Will Jordan At Fullback!” Yells One-Eyed Cantab
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport RAZOR WOULDN’T PLAY HIM ON THE WING! Craig Chamberlain is one unhappy chappy. The 56 year-old from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley has become continually frustrated that All Blacks coach Ian Foster has been playing Will Jordan on the wing instead of his preferred position of fullback. Our reporters caught up […]
Bewildered Student Asks Flatmate “Do We Have A Flat Inspection?” After Seeing Him Using Vacuum
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture WTF! Ben Conway’s heart skipped a few beats when he heard the roar of vacuuming coming from upstairs this morning. The Massey University student in Wellington had not heard the sound since their previous flat inspection three months ago, which is the only time such cleaning of their Mount Cook flat […]
