Wellingtonian In Aro Valley Friend Group Laughed Out Of The Room After Not Having Read Harry Potter
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National EXPELLIARMUS! Popular blue-haired arts student Ashley Bartlett was exposed this morning, after she was found out to be the only person in her friend group that hadn’t read the Harry Potter book series. “WHAT?!” cried friend Jaz Jenson, as a grin spread across her face and her eyes lit up with […]
Woman Devastated To Discover She Can Comfortably Walk Under Doorways At Hobbiton
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture COULD BE THE NEXT FRODO! Olivia Martin, 24, likes to think she’s average height despite being barely five foot tall. But the false belief was confirmed after a trip to the Hobbiton movie set in Matamata with her boyfriend Sam Duncan. As the couple of three years from Levin explored the […]
Bloke Who Started Drinking At Four Reckons He’s Staying Up For The All Blacks
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport WON’T MAKE IT PAST THE HAKA! Kieran Larson foolishly thinks he’s in it for the long haul this evening. Cracking open his first Steinlager Pure at his mate Jimmy’s house at around four o’clock this afternoon, the 23 year-old drain layer from Christchurch appears to be under the impression that he […]
Local Woman Continues Lie That She Will Make Banana Bread
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local “I’M GOING TO USE THEM SOON!” 22 months ago, Whakataki local Lisa Jenkins, 29, decided she would freeze some bananas with the very clear intention of making banana bread at some point. However, while her intentions are good, the reality is that she is living a complete lie if she thinks […]
Local Dad Educates Son About Why NPC Is The Only Real Rugby Left
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport NOTHING ELSE LIKE IT! Craig Harden, 59, has given his 17 year-old son Jayden some much needed guidance on what type of rugby he should be watching. As the father and son sat down to watch the first game of this year’s Bunnings NPC match between Canterbury and Manawatu, the car […]
Wellington Coffee Know-It-All Insists Flat White Is Now A Latte After Spotting Extra Millimetre Of Foam
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture QUEEN OF CAFFEINE! Kara Stratton, 26, is a coffee aficionado. That’s because she describes herself as exactly that on all her bios of social media, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and also a 2012 Tumblr blog which she hasn’t updated in a decade. But her friend Rebekah McKnight, 25, can also vouch for […]
Razor Stuffs Himself Into Sam Whitelock’s Suitcase Just In Case
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport ANYTIME NOW! Crusaders supercoach Scott “Razor” Robertson has once again made himself very available to take over the All Blacks top job. That’s after he decided to stuff himself inside Sam Whitelock’s suitcase and make the 17 hour journey to Mbombela, South Africa, ahead of the All Blacks two test matches against […]
Retiree Points At Flood Footage On TV And Says “That’s Climate Change For Ya”
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National HA SEE? IT’S HAPPENING. Manawatu retiree Janet Davidson, 65, has just pointed to irrefutable evidence that climate change is happening and we’re all doomed unless we do something. As Davidson sat down to her dinner of steak, broccoli, carrot and potato, with her husband Dennis, a Newshub news story caught her […]
TK Misunderstands Government Healthcare Job Push – Turns Up To Hutt Hospital For A Shift
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National WHERE DO YOU NEED ME? After the government weirdly announced that the TV programme Shortland Street will be part of a push to get more people working in healthcare, doctor TK Samuels has inadvertently ended up standing at Hutt Hospital reception in a confused state. “I was in Wellington and it […]
Otago Uni Student Gears Up For Fourth Night On Sheetless Mattress After Failed Weekend Washing Attempt
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National THEY’LL DRY SOON! Cam McIntyre, 20, had the best of intentions over the weekend. The second-year sport and exercise science student at the University of Otago, decided he would wash his bed sheets on Saturday morning, something to make him feel a bit better about life after deleting the best part […]
