Women’s Hurricanes Come Up With New Haka About Wellington’s Water Crisis
RELATABLE.
The Hurricanes Poua women’s rugby team have changed tack today, announcing a brand new haka with a somewhat less divisive message than what they’d come up with previously.
SMOKEFREE DEBATE: Fired Up Chippy Gets Offered Cigarette To Calm Down
SOOTHING INFLUENCE.
A fiery Chris Hipkins let his passion get the better of him in parliament last week, as he railed against the evil “Coalition of Chaos” for overturning Labour’s magical smokefree laws.
One Eyed Cantab Convinced There’s Been A Glitch In The Matrix After Second Straight Crusaders Loss
CANNOT BE THE REAL WORLD.
Craig Chamberlain of Shirley, a suburb of Christchurch, is convinced that the things he is experiencing cannot really be part of reality.
TVNZ Annoyed That People Don’t Want To Advertise On Channels Nobody Watches
BEHIND THE TIMES.
In light of TVNZ’s loss of $16.7m in the last six months, members of the ad sales team have placed the blame squarely on advertisers.
Smug TVNZ Management Happily Makes Zero Dollars And Doesn’t Go Out Of Business
NO PROFITS, NO PROBLEM.
TVNZ management arrived at their Auckland based headquarters with smiles on their faces today.
TIME SAVER: Golriz Asked To Make A List Of Shops She Hasn’t Stolen From
NARROWING IT DOWN.
Local thief and former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman has allegedly been asked by police to cooperate in a time saving exercise, as an attempt to clear up this whole mess she’s gotten herself into.
Local Weetbix Fiend Still Hopeful For All Blacks Call Up
DARE TO DREAM.
Daniel Sharpe, 29, is a 5-foot little bloke with a wiry frame and grand aspirations, who is still awaiting the coveted All Blacks call-up, fuelled by his daily ritual of consuming Weetbix.
Chiefs Favourites To Beat Crusaders: One Eyed Cantab Not Angry At TAB Just Disappointed
NEVER WRITE THEM OFF.
56-year-old Craig Chamberlain from Shirley got quite the shock today.
FREE TO AIR CRICKET: Grown Man Stoked To Not Have To Use Parents’ SkyGo For Once
ALMOST ADULTING.
33-year-old Matt Johnson has found himself in a state of pure elation as he realised he wouldn’t have to beg, borrow, or steal access to his parents’ SkyGo account to watch the Blackcaps tonight.
Dunedin Student Not Fussed About Rat Infested Countdown As His Flat Isn’t Much Better
HOME AWAY FROM HOME
19-year-old students Ben Dougal and George Baker seem unfazed by the recent closure of Dunedin’s rat-infested Countdown supermarket.
