• Home
  • Sport
  • Culture
  • Politics
  • General news

Author: admin

One Eyed Cantab Convinced There’s Been A Glitch In The Matrix After Second Straight Crusaders Loss

one eyed cantab thinking about Crusaders losing, surrounded by the matrix

CANNOT BE THE REAL WORLD.

Craig Chamberlain of Shirley, a suburb of Christchurch, is convinced that the things he is experiencing cannot really be part of reality.

TVNZ Annoyed That People Don’t Want To Advertise On Channels Nobody Watches

sales people confused with tvnz headline

BEHIND THE TIMES.

In light of TVNZ’s loss of $16.7m in the last six months, members of the ad sales team have placed the blame squarely on advertisers.

Smug TVNZ Management Happily Makes Zero Dollars And Doesn’t Go Out Of Business

anonymous executive woman in front of TVNZ building, with newshub headline

NO PROFITS, NO PROBLEM.

TVNZ management arrived at their Auckland based headquarters with smiles on their faces today.

TIME SAVER: Golriz Asked To Make A List Of Shops She Hasn’t Stolen From

Golriz Gharaman with police in background.

NARROWING IT DOWN.

Local thief and former Green MP Golriz Ghahraman has allegedly been asked by police to cooperate in a time saving exercise, as an attempt to clear up this whole mess she’s gotten herself into.

Local Weetbix Fiend Still Hopeful For All Blacks Call Up

man standing in front of rugby field and weetbix box

DARE TO DREAM. 

Daniel Sharpe, 29, is a 5-foot little bloke with a wiry frame and grand aspirations, who is still awaiting the coveted All Blacks call-up, fuelled by his daily ritual of consuming Weetbix.

Chiefs Favourites To Beat Crusaders: One Eyed Cantab Not Angry At TAB Just Disappointed

one eyed cantab in TAB with game odds and pic of 2023 champion crusaders

NEVER WRITE THEM OFF.

56-year-old Craig Chamberlain from Shirley got quite the shock today.

FREE TO AIR CRICKET: Grown Man Stoked To Not Have To Use Parents’ SkyGo For Once

man sitting on couch watching free to air cricket

ALMOST ADULTING.

33-year-old Matt Johnson has found himself in a state of pure elation as he realised he wouldn’t have to beg, borrow, or steal access to his parents’ SkyGo account to watch the Blackcaps tonight.

Dunedin Student Not Fussed About Rat Infested Countdown As His Flat Isn’t Much Better

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

19-year-old students Ben Dougal and George Baker seem unfazed by the recent closure of Dunedin’s rat-infested Countdown supermarket.

Yo-Pro Goes Against Linkedin Commenting Etiquette And Says Something He Really Thinks

professional man in lounge with laptop open

TOXIC POSITIVITY.

A bold mid-level marketing executive has pushed back against the unwritten rules of LinkedIn by leaving a comment that’s not overwhelmingly positive.

Indian Economy In Trouble Following Widening Gap Between Kane Williamson And Virat Kohli

virat kohli and kane williamson with economics in the background

GOT HIS NUMBER.

The Indian economy is reportedly on the brink of collapse as the gap between Kane Williamson and Virat Kohli’s test centuries widens.

← older
newer →
DISCLAIMER: NZ satire and NZ comedy have a long tradition. The Whakataki Times is a satirical news meme website, which means the stories and memes are made up for comedic effect.