Kiwi Woman Sick And Tired Of Watching Friends Frolicking Around In European Summer
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture WINTER BLUES Tara McCaull has had a chip on her shoulder for quite a while this winter. It’s not that the 25-year-old hates her job as an admin assistant in Christchurch, but more the fact that her friends are frolicking around in the European summer, while she’s chained to her desk […]
Wet, Whiny Wellingtonian Whines About Being Called Wet And Whiny
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local “AWW NO I’M NOT” Will Warburton, a student based in central Wellington, has taken issue with a statement that National leader Chris Luxon was recorded saying to some farmers in Helensville recently. Luxon claimed that New Zealand had become a “very negative, wet, whiny, inward-looking country” that had “lost the plot” […]
One Eyed Cantab Arrives Two Weeks Early To Crusaders Victory Parade
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport BLIND CONFIDENCE Craig Chamberlain, the “one-eyed Cantab” from the Christchurch suburb of Shirley, was unable to contain his anticipation today. The 56 year-old arrived in the city’s CBD eagerly awaiting his beloved Crusaders to come past on the tram with the captain holding the Super Rugby trophy. This was despite the […]
Angry Social Netballer Fails To Realise He Is Not A Professional Athlete
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport CALM DOWN MATE Morgan Hughes eagerly looks forward to his social indoor netball games at Christchurch’s Action Indoor Sports. However the 33 year-old, who has never played any form of representative sport in his life, nor turned out for any top level club teams, definitely takes things seriously in games where […]
Two Blokes Who Crack Joke Between Themselves Now Believe They Should Start A Podcast
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture DREAMS ARE FREE Dave Dustow and Tim Braggins for years have shared a bond over their self-proclaimed hilarious jokes. The 30 year-old Wellingtonians were catching up over the weekend when Dave had what seemed like a unique idea, although in reality both had talked about this exact idea numerous times before, […]
Prime Minister Set To Announce Major Policy Direction For Meat Pies And Pastries
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics BAKED IN POLICY Prime Minister Chris ‘Chippy’ Hipkins has been teasing for months his focus on meat pies and pastries for the upcoming election. The media coverage on the issue has been undeniable. In March it was reported that the Real Meat Pies bakery in Lower Hutt was still the Prime […]
Canes Fan Claims Victory Was Stolen Because “Ardie Wouldn’t Lie”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport DEFINITELY SCORED Hurricanes fan James Macaskill is a broken man today. The 32 year-old from Wellington watched on in horror late last night as his beloved Hurricanes fell agonisingly short in their quarter-final against the Brumbies. It all came to a head at full time when Ardie Savea was denied by […]
Trendy Sunday Morning Walkers Play A Straight Bat With Black Tights And Puffer Jacket Combo
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture HARD TO GO WRONG Friends Amy Wilson and Juliet Corrigan made no waves at all this morning. The last thing the Sunday morning walkers wanted was to put themselves under pressure for no good reason. While usually very forward-thinking in the realm of fashion, both women opted for a classic combination […]
Johnson On Plane Home Still Laughing About How Easy That Try Was
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport WHAT’S SO FUNNY SHAUN? Warriors playmaker Shaun Johnson has a serious case of the giggles. It’s not that he’s watching a funny movie on the plane back to Auckland from Canberra – Johnson is apparently struggling to get over just how easily he scored the final try in the Warriors’ 36-14 […]
Michael Wood Has Still Not Taken Out Rubbish After Being Asked 12 Times
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Politics GETTING ‘ROUND TO IT Transport Minister Michael Wood has an uncanny ability to say he’ll do something, delay it, and then forget about it altogether. Wood’s latest saga is one of household negligence, where he allegedly failed to take the kitchen rubbish to the outdoor bin, despite being asked to do […]
