Sensationally Hungover Man Once Again Misses The McDonalds Breakfast Menu
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture COULD DO WITH A FEED Logan Ashton was never really in with a chance of making it in time for the McDonald’s breakfast menu this morning. After arriving home at 3:46am, after nearly 12 hours of drinking and a spontaneous trip to Christchurch’s casino, the 26 year-old was kidding himself if […]
“All Blacks XV Should Just Be Replaced By The Canterbury Team” – Chamberlain
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport QUICK FIX Craig Chamberlain is once again at loggerheads with New Zealand Rugby. That’s because he believes the ‘All Blacks XV’, which is made up of players from provincial sides, should be completely replaced with exclusively players from the Canterbury NPC team. The team is currently top of the table and […]
Neighbour Wins No Friends With Pre 8 AM Lawn Mowing On A Saturday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Nigel Springer refuses to let a week go by where his lawns are anything less than immaculate. But at times, his freshly mown lawns in his quarter acre block come at a cost. His actions seem to limit his popularity with the other houses backing into his Christchurch home in Hillmorton. […]
Fish And Chip Shop Proudly Displays Award Won In 2005
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local SIMPLY THE BEST Polstead Road Fish and Chips has been a local institution, serving up greasy deliciousness for 34 years now. But for owner Gary Lee, the pinnacle of success was his “Best Fish & Chip Shop” award, something he’s been proudly showcasing in his shop since 2005. “Yep, there she […]
Bloke Makes Sensational Comeback To Social Media As Wedding Photo Replaces Profile Pic Set in 2013
BACK WITH A BANG.
Luke Sims has never been big on social media.
But the 29 year-old certainly made a splash today after updating his profile pic to one of him and his now wife at their wedding, replacing the one of him and some mates at a party ten years earlier.
Our reporters spoke to Sims after he made this radical update to his social media presence.
“I don’t really have time for Facebook ay, kinda just used it to keep in touch with mates, but thought it needed a bit of an update,” explained a healthy-looking Sims, who had noticeably trimmed down since his heavy drinking days.
Wellingtonian Takes Up Vaping For No Reason At All
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “IT’S JUST NICE WHEN I’M DRINKING” Recent university graduate Regan Deeks has left many scratching their heads after his apparently purposeless decision to take up vaping. The confusion comes as Deeks has never been a regular cigarette smoker, so it is not a case of him switching from darts to something […]
Media Still Reporting On Normal Non-Royal Ginger And Normal Non-Royal TV Actress
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National STILL NEWSWORTHY SOMEHOW Despite “stepping back” from the royal family and royal duties in order to become “financially independent”, Meghan Markle and her husband Harry are still getting considerable media coverage in New Zealand. The newly-normal ginger bloke and former TV actress are now regularly finding themselves at the centre of […]
Ardern Models New Red Rim Skellerups That She’ll Kick Farmers In The Guts With
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics LOOKING THE PART Following her appearance in the World of Wearable Arts fashion show, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has taken to the runway once more to model a classic pair of kiwi gumboots – an accessory that she will most definitely be wearing when she delivers her next boot the guts […]
Woman Asks Office Colleague If She Can Email Her A Document To Print Because She “Can’t Print” At The Moment
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture JUST A QUICK FAVOUR Tessa McGregor has not printed a single thing herself since she started in her current role. The 26 year-old who has been an employee at the Ministry for Primary Industries for four months now, still refuses to connect her work computer with one of the printers, instead […]
Spontaneous Tuesday Morning Hangover Sets This Week Up To Be A Ripper
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture THOSE CRAFT BEERS WILL GETCHA Self-hating public servant Travis Watterson has set himself up for an absolute ripper of a week at his Wellington government job. As if he didn’t hate his job enough already, he has now magnified his despair by inflicting a good old fashioned, head-throbbing hangover. Last night […]
