Bloke Who Crows About TAB Wins Remains Pretty Damn Quiet On All Those Losses
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture NEVER LOSES Luke Cooper comes across like he’s an absolute genius with sports betting at the TAB. The 31 year-old seemingly spends an excessive amount of his time down at his local TAB, along with surfing odds on his multiple Australian betting accounts, where he always appears to be on a […]
COSTCO TALES OF SURVIVAL: Shopper Survives Opening Day With Just A Black Eye
KASSIE MACKAY | National SAVINGS, BUT AT WHAT COST? One week on from the launch of Costco’s long-yearned-for New Zealand store, those who attended the opening day are reflecting on whether the deals were really worth the drama. In a series of exclusive interviews, the Whakataki Times heard tales of the mishaps and misery that […]
Wellingtonian Lulled Into A False Sense Of Security By Sunny Day Gets Blasted By Strong Nor’ Wester
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Ralph Stirling looked out the window of his Mount Cook flat with optimism this morning. Seeing clear blue skies, the 24 year-old grocery assistant tossed aside his snapper card and windbreaker jacket, ready for a lively walk to work on what was a rare day of sunshine in the capital. However […]
Woman Cuts To The Chase And Purposely Drops Phone Down The Side Of Her Car Seat
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY Auckland-based Hannah Hazlett is someone who always thinks she can get away with driving with her phone sitting sneakily on her lap, where she can easily look down and use it inconspicuously. Inevitably the phone ends up sliding off her lap and hitting the floor of her car, […]
SHOCK REVELATION: Fuck Boy On Fuck Boy Island Turns Out To Be A Real Scumbag
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture PUBLIC BROADCASTING In news that has come as a complete shock to everyone, it has been confirmed that a contestant on TVNZ’s FBoy Island is actually a total scumbag. Wayde Moore took advantage of a teenager’s drunkenness and was charged with suffocating last year, with the judge describing his behaviour as […]
Man Out For A Run Avoids Other Footpath Users By Putting On A Big Step Off The Right
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local SEE YA LATER! 33 year old Whakataki local Mike Matthews has proven to himself and other footpath users that he’s still got it. While out on his Sunday morning run in James Cook Park, something he tries to do at least once a month, he was able to avoid a group […]
Warriors Fan Now Saying He’s “Always Had A Soft Spot For The Eels”
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport It didn’t really matter that Lachy Stone’s beloved Warriors didn’t make this year’s NRL grand final, or playoffs for that matter. Afterall, the 27 year-old is now claiming that he has always had a soft spot for the Parramatta Eels, who will face off against favourites the Penrith Panthers. Our reporters […]
Local Dad Admits The Mess In The Garage Has Gotten Away On Him Again
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Local WILL GET ON IT SOON Carl Miller knows that things are easier said than done. That’s because the Whakataki father of three has been saying he’ll get onto the continuous mountain of mess that has been growing in his garage for most of the year. Our reporters spoke to the 49 […]
Very Relatable, Down To Earth Prime Minister Appears As A Model In Premiere Fashion Show
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics WOW, REALLY? Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has taken to the stage at the World of Wearable Arts fashion show (also known as WOW) to show New Zealanders just how relatable and down to earth she is. As her PR team will have no doubt told her, nothing appeals more to middle […]
GRAND FINAL WEEKEND: Kiwi League Fan Naturally Youtubes Benji Marshall’s 2005 Grand Final Flick Pass
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY Mark Hickey is an absolute NRL tragic. The 33 year-old from Christchurch has been a long time Warriors fan, but is also a fan of anything a Kiwi does in the NRL, no matter what team it’s for.` With his beloved Warriors again failing to make it anywhere […]
