Willie Jackson Confirms New Public Media Entity Will Provide 24 Hour Fuckboy Island Coverage
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics PUBLIC INTEREST BROADCASTING After months of pressure to explain the reason for wanting to merge Radio NZ with TVNZ, Broadcasting Minister Willie Jackson has finally given us a reason. Jackson has announced that the new public media entity will discontinue traditional content like news, sport, and current affairs, and turn the […]
One Eyed Cantab Furious That No Canterbury Loosies Are In The End Of Year Tour Squad
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport “FOSTER!!!” Craig Chamberlain is once again filled with rage. That’s because out of the six loose forwards that have been picked on the All Blacks Northern Hemisphere tour – which has tests against Japan, Wales, Scotland and England – none of the loose forward pack are from the Canterbury region. The […]
Millennial Aucklander Cooks Up Hilarious Tweet About How Old And White New Mayor Wayne Brown Is
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National DESTROYED 29-year old marketing manager Louise Mason has “slayed” new Auckland mayor Wayne Brown, by going on Twitter and pointing out how old and white he is. Despite age and ethnicity being irrelevant when choosing a mayor, compared to the idea of “competence”, Ms. Mason thought it would be perfectly acceptable […]
Local Dad Reckons He’s Finally Got The Lawns Under Control
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local GOT THERE IN THE END Whakataki father of two, Jordan Berger is enjoying a well earned beer this evening, after putting in a mammoth shift mowing lawns this afternoon. After three weekends of mowing in an attempt to get the grass to an acceptable length (after a long, wet winter) Mr […]
Bloke Who Received Rare Text Message Disappointed To Discover It Is Again Just From His Telco
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture DEJA VU For a few seconds Ruben Cochrane felt alive. The 28 year-old furniture salesman at Harvey Norman couldn’t wait to see who the text message was from and ducked away to a quiet area of the store to check. “Oh geez, I heard the ding on my phone and my […]
POLAR BLAST: South Islander Still Rocking The Stubbies And Jandals
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture BUSINESS AS USUAL Despite an unexpected blast of snow today, Ben Donovan wasn’t going to change his well established fashion sense. The 24 year-old Otago University student was still in his usual day-to-day attire of stubbies and jandals, despite Dunedin experiencing the most snowfall nationwide. Our reporters caught up with Donovan […]
CALLING A SPADE A SPADE: Local Accounting Firm Re-labels “Mental Health” Days As “CBF” Days
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local IT IS WHAT IT IS Whakataki accounting firm, Get It Sorted, have taken a step towards providing real clarity and transparency to its staff when it comes to taking leave. Head of HR at the firm, Sarah Golding has said that while the “mental health day” is important for managing stress, […]
Bloke Who Crows About TAB Wins Remains Pretty Damn Quiet On All Those Losses
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture NEVER LOSES Luke Cooper comes across like he’s an absolute genius with sports betting at the TAB. The 31 year-old seemingly spends an excessive amount of his time down at his local TAB, along with surfing odds on his multiple Australian betting accounts, where he always appears to be on a […]
COSTCO TALES OF SURVIVAL: Shopper Survives Opening Day With Just A Black Eye
KASSIE MACKAY | National SAVINGS, BUT AT WHAT COST? One week on from the launch of Costco’s long-yearned-for New Zealand store, those who attended the opening day are reflecting on whether the deals were really worth the drama. In a series of exclusive interviews, the Whakataki Times heard tales of the mishaps and misery that […]
Wellingtonian Lulled Into A False Sense Of Security By Sunny Day Gets Blasted By Strong Nor’ Wester
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Ralph Stirling looked out the window of his Mount Cook flat with optimism this morning. Seeing clear blue skies, the 24 year-old grocery assistant tossed aside his snapper card and windbreaker jacket, ready for a lively walk to work on what was a rare day of sunshine in the capital. However […]
