Local Woman Takes Sledgehammer To Wall After Rush Of Blood To The Head From Watching The Block
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture SPARK OF INSPIRATION Recent new homeowner Chelsea Golding, of Hamilton, has given her husband Isaac the fright of his life today. Isaac had taken this Labour Day as an opportunity to do a few life-admin things in town this morning. When he got home however, he found that his wife had […]
Man Rewatches Black Caps Win Over Australia Just To Double Check It Really Happened
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport Damian Wilson cannot believe that the world he is in is part of reality. The 29 year-old has had to double check that the Blackcaps’ dominant 89 run win over Australia was indeed part of the real world, as the Kiwis humiliated the Aussies at the SCG last night. “I had […]
Man Pulls Off Perfect Crime By Depositing Excess Recycling Into Neighbour’s Bin
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture SHARING IS CARING Recycling day can’t come soon enough for Todd Bird and his three other Christchurch flatmates. The group of unattached males have once again reached their recycling bin’s capacity four days ahead of the usual rubbish day. The dilemma has forced 27 year-old Bird to put their excess recycling, […]
Two Blokes Steaming Into A Supermarket At 4:30pm A Friday Definitely Not Doing A Weekly Shop
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Caleb Smith and Mitch Barker could barely control themselves as they waited for Pak N Save’s sliding doors to open this afternoon. The 26-year-olds, who both work in Christchurch’s CBD, had absolutely no need for a shopping trolley or basket as they eagerly navigated the supermarket with only one thing on […]
GP Receptionist Updating Waiting Room Reading Material Welcomes The June 2019 Issue Of Woman’s Weekly
KASSIE MACKAY| National HOT OFF THE PRESS Medical receptionists across the country are struggling to contain their excitement this evening, as they prepare to release the long-awaited June 2019 issue of New Zealand Woman’s Weekly. The monthly mag is rumoured to contain exclusive photos of the newest royal, Prince Archie, the regular challenging cryptic crosswords, […]
COSTING OF LIVING CRISIS: Public Servant Forced to Buy Shoes at Chain Store
KASSIE MACKAY| Culture INFLATION GOES A STEP TOO FAR Millie Jones, a Principal Analyst at MBIE’s Wellington HQ is despairing at the state of the economy, having found her monthly shoe budget eroded by inflation. It has forced the 29-year-old public servant to think outside the box and almost humiliatingly visit chain store Hannah’s to […]
Aucklander Sees Tractor For The First Time
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National “THEY’RE BIG AREN’T THEY?” Parnell based marketing pro and regular participant in the lunch rush, Ryan Jacobs got the fright of his life today. As he arrived at Auckland Domain with his normal takeaway sushi, he was confronted by a fleet of large tractors and various other farming vehicles, all out […]
Flat White Drinker Looking To Build On Personality By Changing Coffee Order To Something Weird
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “DO YOU HAVE OAT MILK?” Long time flat white drinker Fernando Collins has taken his identity into his own hands today, by ordering something quite different from his local coffee cart. “I’ll have a macchiato please Hayley. Do you have oat milk back there?” he asked as his usual office crew […]
Lunchtime Gym Bunny Makes Sure That He’s Seen In The Office In Exercise Gear
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture CAN’T WAIT TIL AFTER WORK It was hard not to take note of Ian Harding in the office this afternoon. The 34 year-old territory manager had just returned to his corporate office in Wellington in full gym gear after what looked like a strenuous bout of exercise. This was while his […]
Still No Luck For Out Of Work Dr Michael Baker As His Job Hunt Continues
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National OUT OF WORK EPIDEMIOLOGIST Now that facemasks are not required anywhere apart from “healthcare settings”, former TV mask-nagger Dr Michael Baker is on the hunt for a new job. The epidemiologist has reportedly begun searching the popular job listing website, Seek, in an effort to get some money coming into the […]
