Pest Control Called On Former TVNZ Presenter Kamahl Santamaria
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | National MISSION CREEP Disgraced ex TVNZ presenter Kamahl Santamaria has been given an unwanted surprise of his own today. It wasn’t the fact he was hit with more allegations from his former workplaces and colleagues, but the fact a pest exterminator turned up to his home and began to spray him with […]
Smug Millennial Drafts Up A Series Of Tweets Ahead Of Racing Season
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture NUP TO THE CUP Pink haired millennial Ruby Wareing is set for a big month ahead on the internet. That’s because the 28 year-old from Wellington’s Aro Valley is already preparing a barrage of Tweets to let rip ahead of the racing season, which she knows will be well backed up […]
Sensationally Hungover Man Once Again Misses The McDonalds Breakfast Menu
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture COULD DO WITH A FEED Logan Ashton was never really in with a chance of making it in time for the McDonald’s breakfast menu this morning. After arriving home at 3:46am, after nearly 12 hours of drinking and a spontaneous trip to Christchurch’s casino, the 26 year-old was kidding himself if […]
“All Blacks XV Should Just Be Replaced By The Canterbury Team” – Chamberlain
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Sport QUICK FIX Craig Chamberlain is once again at loggerheads with New Zealand Rugby. That’s because he believes the ‘All Blacks XV’, which is made up of players from provincial sides, should be completely replaced with exclusively players from the Canterbury NPC team. The team is currently top of the table and […]
Neighbour Wins No Friends With Pre 8 AM Lawn Mowing On A Saturday
ROSEMARY ABBOTT | Culture Nigel Springer refuses to let a week go by where his lawns are anything less than immaculate. But at times, his freshly mown lawns in his quarter acre block come at a cost. His actions seem to limit his popularity with the other houses backing into his Christchurch home in Hillmorton. […]
Fish And Chip Shop Proudly Displays Award Won In 2005
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Local SIMPLY THE BEST Polstead Road Fish and Chips has been a local institution, serving up greasy deliciousness for 34 years now. But for owner Gary Lee, the pinnacle of success was his “Best Fish & Chip Shop” award, something he’s been proudly showcasing in his shop since 2005. “Yep, there she […]
Bloke Makes Sensational Comeback To Social Media As Wedding Photo Replaces Profile Pic Set in 2013
BACK WITH A BANG.
Luke Sims has never been big on social media.
But the 29 year-old certainly made a splash today after updating his profile pic to one of him and his now wife at their wedding, replacing the one of him and some mates at a party ten years earlier.
Our reporters spoke to Sims after he made this radical update to his social media presence.
“I don’t really have time for Facebook ay, kinda just used it to keep in touch with mates, but thought it needed a bit of an update,” explained a healthy-looking Sims, who had noticeably trimmed down since his heavy drinking days.
Wellingtonian Takes Up Vaping For No Reason At All
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Culture “IT’S JUST NICE WHEN I’M DRINKING” Recent university graduate Regan Deeks has left many scratching their heads after his apparently purposeless decision to take up vaping. The confusion comes as Deeks has never been a regular cigarette smoker, so it is not a case of him switching from darts to something […]
Media Still Reporting On Normal Non-Royal Ginger And Normal Non-Royal TV Actress
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | National STILL NEWSWORTHY SOMEHOW Despite “stepping back” from the royal family and royal duties in order to become “financially independent”, Meghan Markle and her husband Harry are still getting considerable media coverage in New Zealand. The newly-normal ginger bloke and former TV actress are now regularly finding themselves at the centre of […]
Ardern Models New Red Rim Skellerups That She’ll Kick Farmers In The Guts With
GORDON LIGHTFOOT | Politics LOOKING THE PART Following her appearance in the World of Wearable Arts fashion show, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern has taken to the runway once more to model a classic pair of kiwi gumboots – an accessory that she will most definitely be wearing when she delivers her next boot the guts […]
